Time Just Keeps Flyin’ On By

Jeepers. It’s July 9th. 2 months since my last post. I think about blogging at least once daily, if not more. I’m not a very proficient writer, and I always gag while reading back over a post…feeling like it’s not even me writing these words. This blog just doesn’t sound like me. I mean, I started this post out with “jeepers”. Pretty sure I’ve never uttered that made up word out loud, except when talking about that horrible excuse for a horror flick, Jeepers Creepers 1 & (sadly) 2.

In 2 months a lot has changed and pretty much stayed the same all in one. A lot of headway has been made as far as wedding plans go. Invitations are in and will be ready to go out to our guests in the next week or so. Favors are planned and will be orders/assembled over my big bachelorette party week. The bridal shower is set for next weekend, the 21st. My dress is in, the girls dresses are almost in, and the guys tuxedos are selected. Minor details are coming along slowly but surely, and this whole wedding thing doesn’t seem so horrible to plan after all. Having never planned one and hoping to never have to do it again I think my girls and I have done a pretty great job. I just hope it all comes together on the big day! I’m not so much a party planner…completely not a party planner. My worst fear is people showing up to the venue and thinking “Okay…what was she going for here?”. It’s a Wizard of Oz theme but I don’t want it to be over the top “themey”. Here’s hopin’!

As far as Weight Watchers is concerned I’ve been doing a pretty kicked ass job. I did fudge up a little bit but got back on track and am down to 177, so a total of 7 lbs lost since my last post. I hit the 75 lb mark which was AMAZEballs. I even got a little charm to go with it. My friend Jules is on the WW wagon with me and she’s honestly been a big help in keeping me on track. WW, in my opinion, always works better with a friend. She’s doing incredibly so far and looking fabulous. I’m so proud of her! Jules was one of my first friends in college and she’s struggled with weight pretty much her whole life. She thanks me on a daily basis for getting her to join WW with me and I have to remind her that SHE is the one I should be thanking…I was going through a pretty rough go eating right and exercising when she joined and she got me back on the right path. She’s definitely going to go far and reach her goal; I can feel it. In the almost 2 years that I’ve been with WW so many people have asked me how they can lose weight and if I have any tips or advice. I’ve given the same long drawn out advice to person after person, and NO ONE has ever taken it. Just as I didn’t take other people’s advice I asked for long ago. I don’t fault them for it, because I know how difficult it is to start. I just wish I were better with my words so I could convey what an absolutely life changing tool WW is.

One recent change in my life has been worrying about my parent’s health. While neither of them is significantly ill or sick in anyway, neither of them are at all healthy either. Both of my parents have high blood pressure and astronomically bad cholesterol. Growing up I never thought the food we were eating was unhealthy, and now I realize just how unhealthy all of my mother’s cooking is. My parents are both very naive about what’s good and what’s bad, thinking that since they haven’t had a heart attack “YET” that they’re fine. For both of them to be on as much medication as they are for all their different issues I can’t grasp how neither of them think that their lifestyle is okay by any means. They’re in their mid 50s and as I grow older, so do they, and I’ve just begun to become aware that they’re not going to be here forever…which seems a little premature to think about for some, I’m sure, but when I see the amounts of pills they each take regularly, and how many doctors visits they go on and how often they’re down with the flu/cold/strep/etc. it worries me. I wish I could just be their personal cook/trainer/caretaker so that I could control their health. But the least I can do for now is constantly remind my mother to drink more water, check her blood pressure, and her blood sugar (she’s type 2 diabetic), and to keep up with her blood work when her doctor orders it instead of letting it slip by the way side. I was very happy to hear that her cholesterol on her last blood work was significantly lower than previous years, like SIGNIFICANTLY lower. She’s also started texting me about what she should/can order when having lunch or going out to dinner. She works in the city and they order lunch pretty much everyday, and while she thinks that a cheesesteak split between breakfast and lunch is alright, it’s just not. It’s amazing how my thoughts were exactly the same just two years ago…just because it’s a SMALL, doesn’t mean that it’s any better. I digress… I just want my parents to live LONG and healthier lives. I don’t ever want to have to visit them in the hospital after a heart attack, or worse…not get the chance to visit them at all.

I don’t know if it’s just getting slightly older or if it’s due to my increasingly better health that I’ve become so morbid. I’m constantly worrying about every member of my family, wishing they could just be healthier. I don’t have the finances to hire them all personal trainers or cooks, and I certainly can’t quit my job to do it for them… I don’t want to be the nagging force at all the future family parties/cookouts/holidays. I don’t want the people around me to feel badly or guilty for eating another slice of cake or slathering mayo on their burgers. I just want them to all go on a run afterward with me ;). Just kidding. Sometimes I just think about before I joined WW, how much happier everything was then.. which is a really horrible thing to think. I’ve even had Joey tell me how I was a lot happier THEN than I am now. Food controlled so much of my life…as it does now too. But in happier ways. Now it’s so stressful for me to constantly think about healthier alternatives, or having to make sure I bring my own foods to the family BBQ, and feeling devastatingly guilty when I miss one or two days in a row at the gym. I hate it, honestly. 

 

I could go on for days about my previous statement. So I think I’ll save that for another post. I just hope it doesn’t take me another 2 months to do so!

Will I even become a consistent blogger?

It sure has been awhile…AGAIN. So much has happened in these passing months and I can’t believe I didnt document a single lick of it.

I don’t know where I was at weight wise the last time I posted. But for my own sake I should update on it exactly: As of last wednesday I am down 69.6 lbs, and weighing in at 184. From people who don’t know my weight but know I’ve been losing, are always shocked to hear when I’m in the 180s. Which is definitely a good thing! They always think I’m at LEAST 160…which is 5 lbs PASSED my goal. If I look that thin now I’m worried to think of what I’ll look like at goal. ;)

Aside from that, I know my last post in here was not happy, happy, happy (for all you Duck Dynasty lovers like myself!) but so much stress has been relieved since then. I completed my very first Half Marathon on March 16, which brought me so much joy and relief. I had been so absolutely stressed that I wasn’t going to be able to finish, and it went off without a hitch. I could not have been more prepared for the race. I was constantly researching and training, so I don’t know why I was doubting myself so much. It seriously one of my biggest and greatest accomplishments so far. I plan to do another one this year, but that’s really on the back of my mind with a wedding to plan and all.

I also finished school. FOREVER. (until I get bored and decide I should go back…whomp whomp). But yes, as of 8 days ago, I AM DONEZO. It is so strange to wake up and not have to worry about the next assignment due. Or getting off work and being able to just GO HOME. Even though it was only 9 months ago when I decided to get my paralegal certificate at Widener University, that feels like a lifetime ago. As my last post informed you, I have been in school basically my entire life. When I graduated with my associate’s last year I had no plans of going further…but then I did. However, right now I am so happy with my educational efforts so far and I hope to have a paralegal position after the wedding in September. Right now I’m entirely too lucky to be able to stay with Zane and work full time 3 days a week, leaving ample time to take care of wedding and miscellaneous stuff. However, I am entirely ready to start my career.

This year has brought so many changes to my life already. And more big changes to come. I hope to hit goal this year, only 19 more lbs to go. My name will be changed for crying out loud! I ran a freaking half marathon and completed school. I absolutely think 2013 is my favorite year so far. It’s crazy how things just fall into place, although getting to that place can sometimes feel suffocating and impossible.

I can’t even remember what had me so low when I posted last. I feel silly even reading that. But at the time I needed to vent and get it all out. I remember feeling so stressed about the wedding, thinking I had noone in my corner to help. Well, all of those people I didn’t think I had were there with me to help me say YES to the dress, to pick out their bridesmaid/maid of honor gowns, go cake tasting, and will be with me for many more events in the next few months. It all felt so unattainable a few months ago, and now it’s all happening.

With all of the stress I really got out of the WW game and just wasn’t really focused. I felt like I had already come so far and just wanted to take a break for a while. I did that after I had hit 40 lbs, and that lasted for about 4 months. I’m thankful that my friend Jules joined in March and she remotivated me. As of March 20th I’ve been back to weighing in weekly, and about two weeks after weighing in again I actually started tracking again and getting back on the WW wagon. I had gone back up to 194, and managed not to let that last long at all. Tomorrow is weigh in and I’m hoping to hit 70 lbs lost! I’ve been eating well, and exercising a ton this last week so I should have no problems losing the .4 I need to hit 70. I’ll be sure to update on that!

Sorry for the jumbled up mess that this post is, but I just am sitting here waiting for Zaney to wake up and wanted to write down a few things. :) Hope everyone is well!

Life.

WARNING: This post is all about how much I hate my life and myself.

I have been working since I was 15. I’ve been in school since I was 3. 21 years of my life have been dedicated to school/work/growing…and I don’t feel like I’ve gotten anywhere. Sure, it’s awesome that I’ve lost 66 lbs. But I should have never gained the 90 lbs to begin with. Sure, I have an associates degree and working on my paralegal certificate. But I’ve been in college for 5 fucking years. I’ve been nannying or what feels like forever…and every single day all I think about is what an awesome fucking parent I’m going to be, but only to spite all of the horrible parenting I am forced to be observant of.

I am miserable. I am absolutely 100% miserable.

There’s not one single reason, but a 1,000. I don’t know how to become happy. I don’t know how to stay happy. I have moments where I feel like everything is together. I yearn for things to look forward to…only to be disappointed once I get to them. Which brings me to my biggest fear of late: My Wedding. I’m so terribly looking forward to it that I’m terrified I’m going to be madly disappointed once it does come. My pictures are going to suck because I’m not going to lose enough weight to feel beautiful. Someone’s not going to show up. Someone’s going to leave ridiculously early, offending everyone. But basically it all boils down to knowing that I’m probably not going to be satisfied. Instead of focusing on all of the things that WILL go right…I know I’m going to pick apart all the things that went wrong.

Why am I such an unhappy person? Why do I only focus on the negative?

Is this why I have zero friends? My one true best friend and I have the same thoughts on just about everything…and I’m pretty sure we’re coming to the conclusion that WE are in fact the crazy ones…and not everyone else like we would like to believe.

I avoid writing in here because this is all I want to do lately, or ever: Complain. That is my life. That is literally ALL THAT I DO. I just wish I knew why and how to stop.Why can’t I walk into a room and not immediately judge what everyone is wearing? Why can’t I focus on all of the awesome stuff I’ve accomplished, instead of all of the things I haven’t? Why does it seem like I will never be satisfied with anything? Why am I such a horribly negative bitch?

I try to make it seem like I love my life and everything about it. And honestly, there are days…weeks even, that I truly do. But then there are LOTS and LOTS of days that I feel the opposite.

I’m so unbelievably happy with Joey. And I know he is entirely happy with me. Our relationship is definitely NOT my source of unhappiness. And a lot of times the only thing making me happy. But outside of our happiness I am lonely. So very lonely. My only best friend moved several hours away from me. Everyone else has kids or lives that make their time more important than being my friend. I’m even starting to feel that way about my own mother. Everytime I call she has no time to speak…and if she does it’s to complain about how shitty her life is.

I’m getting married in 7 months. And as happy as that should be making me…it’s only adding to the gigantic ball of stress that is my life. Not because I don’t want to be married, but because I am tired of trying to force people to be excited about it to actually do something about it. When I wanted to look at venues my parents only made time to look at ONE with me. I’ve always envisioned that I would be doing all of this wedding stuff WITH MY MOM. But we haven’t done a single thing together yet…and she seems way too busy to ever even talk about it with me. She’s had my save the dates that LITERALLY only need to be addressed for MONTHS. She even has ALL of the address in her computer, and all she has to do is hit PRINT and stick the envelopes in. I don’t think she’s even picked them up yet. We’re wedding dress shopping this weekend and I mostly just feel like I’m forcing everyone to do it with me. That may not even be the case. But that’s how I feel.

Her time is too important right now to be spent trying to help me plan the most important day of my life. My friend is too far to do these things with me. And everyone else…I don’t even know. No one picks up the phone when I call. And what’s sad is I ALWAYS know they’re not going to, yet I call anyway. It feels wrong to even be wedding dress shopping this weekend. How can I get excited about something that feels like its an inconvenience others? All I can think about is how everyone else would rather be spending their Saturday in different ways…in any way than spending it with me.

 

 

I can’t even continue writing this right now.

Good or Evil?

I struggle with good and evil on a pretty regular basis. Especially being a nanny. I have my own goals with the children and certainly my own beliefs. I’m probably scoffed at by parents all over who think that I think I know it all. I’m here to tell you I DON’T THINK THAT. There are a few things that I do think I might have a good thought process on, but nothing I think is unconventional or out of this world ground breaking. 

1. SLEEP. Sure, I love the break between 12-3 that a nap provides. But I also love the behavior that comes along with this good rest. I love knowing that the child was well behaved for the parents later on in the day, instead of their usual 6pm temper tantrum. I love knowing that it gave the child a better nights rest because they weren’t over tired. (For the longest time I didn’t understand how being over tired would affect a child’s sleep. I used to think just think that, logically, if they didn’t nap wouldn’t they sleep better, because they’d be so tired? Not true. At all.) I also enjoy the health benefits for children that come from getting a good nights sleep. You can’t argue with that, so I don’t need to explain why.

2. EATING WELL. I always strongly believed in this, even before I was eating well myself. That may seem a bit hypocritical, but I just seeing it as looking out for their well being over my own. I don’t think that treats need to be given everyday, or for every “good” that they do. I don’t think that just because brownies were made together that they all need to be eaten together at every turn. (some of these are personal examples…) Perhaps a cookie packed in a lunch every once in a while is appropriate. Every day? No. Brownies after breakfast? Hell no. Dessert every night? Nope. McDonald’s even once a week? FUCK no. I feel like McDonald’s and all fast food in general, ESPECIALLY FOR CHILDREN, is completely and 100 percent unnecessary. However, to celebrate a “special occasion” or if you really, really, REALLY had no other options that day…then fine. But to me, McDonald’s is an unnecessary evil. It does nothing for a human being except fill them up with fat and grease. I understand that things go haywire sometimes, or you’re running late…but sacrificing a child’s health is a sad consequence of not managing your time well. I don’t think that’s worth it. It may seem harsh, but when in my house as a child if you didn’t eat what was made for dinner…you didn’t eat. A few skipped meals and you realize that broccoli isn’t so bad. I remember one night my mother leaving me in the kitchen in the dark, after everyone had gone to bed because I wouldn’t eat my broccoli. I couldn’t get up until it was finished. I’m pretty sure I never fought broccoli again. Making separate meals for children, after they’re finished eating baby foods of course, is not ok. It only teaches them, in my honest opinion, that they don’t have to eat what you’re eating and that you will always make them whatever they want. They’ll just become accustomed to getting another meal, making you cook two different breakfasts/lunches/dinners. I feel like it also turns children into picky eaters. I’m in no way, shape or form a picky eater. Never have been. I feel that the way my parents raised me is a result of that. I learned to try new foods and not to be afraid of vegetables or something that smelled different. And face it, picky eaters are down right ANNOYING and is completely avoidable. 

3. YES all kids are DIFFERENT, but some things are simply universal. Naps are good for everyone, I don’t care who you are. Eating right is good for everyone. Discipline is good for everyone. Perhaps the WAY you’re disciplining is different, but it should be done consistently either way. Discipline is probably where I’ve noticed children suffer the most. Taking something away from them and telling them it’s gone for x number of minutes/hours/days/weeks, and giving it back at any point beforehand…teaches them nothing. Putting them in time out and allowing them to come out before the allotted time, teaches them nothing. Putting them in time out and then allowing them to go right back to how they were behaving and not repeating the discipline…teaches them nothing. This is all pretty common sense. Right? Wrong. I’m sure they all have their reasons for not following through with whatever it is they promised, but parents have got to fucking follow through. It’s funny that after a few temper tantrums and fits, the kids I watch eventually just accept what I’m saying. I do not have any magic tricks, or special powers. I simply stick to my guns. No matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. If it really does mean ruining whatever plans we had for the day to teach the 1 kid out of the 3 or 4 or however many, that his/her behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE, then so be it. If anything it’ll be a lesson for the rest of them as well that I’m not going to put up with that bad behavior, and that there will be consequences. 

I probably sound like a crazy lunatic right now, and that’s okay. If crazy lunatic means your child listens to me, sleeps well, eats well and is over all better suited for his little life…then call me a crazy lunatic. I can’t articulate how many times a parent has said “I don’t know how you get (insert childs name here) to eat so well! She doesn’t even stand up on the chair while she’s eating!” “We need to have you here for dinners more often if it means that little Johnny will eat his vegetables!” “I don’t know why he naps for you, he never naps for us!” and so on. Like I said: I claim no magical tricks or powers. I simply practice what I preach. No, it’s not always easy. There are days with sick children, interrupted schedules, and over all “WTF”s. But, on a broader scale these kids behave. For me. These kids sit still, tearless, in dentists chairs. They don’t cry or need soda to help make their medicine go down. They welcome naps. They welcome teeth brushing. They understand that no REALLY DOES mean no. It’s not like I walk in and these kids just start obeying me like sweet little angels. They try and fight me tooth and nail. I’ve been kicked, punched, shoved, pinched, bitten, screamed at, thrown up on from so much crying they actually projectiled their lunch because they had to take a nap, my chair kicked repeatedly on a car ride, and smacked. All of this behavior is then met with a STERN and I mean STERN talking to, and an appropriate consequence. After awhile, it seems to get through to them. And from then on we’re usually a-okay. 

My basic point in this whole rant/discussion is that I’m just trying to figure out WHY parents/guardians don’t follow these rules at least somewhat. Consistently. Sure, there are parents that do…but in every single nanny situation I have been in, these consistencies are non-existent. I’m pretty sure “Consistency” is a term these parents have never met. When these parents look at me and say “WOW, I can’t believe you got Little Lucas to do THAT!” I think “I can’t believe you CAN’T get him to do that”.

A child isn’t going to hate you because you put them in time out. They aren’t going to become serial killers because you forcefully talked to them. They won’t murder you in your sleep for turning the car around. And they certainly will not hold a grudge because you made them take a nap. Children are resilient. Children know what unconditional love truly means, and they will keep coming back for hugs. They will keep grabbing your face with both hands to give you big sloppy kisses (At least until they’re 6 or so… :( ) So don’t be afraid to follow through. Don’t be afraid to let them cry it out at nap time, or time outs. Don’t be afraid to PUNISH them.  Consistency is KEY with children. I know it’s frustrating, daunting, painful, annoying, and downright inconvenient at times….but it WORKS. It will make trips of all kinds more enjoyable, meal times less messy, nap times longer, and faces full of more smiles than tears. 

 

Agree with what you want, disagree with even more. But you cannot argue three things: 

1. Eating well is good

2. Sleeping well is better

3. Discipline is best

10 minutes in time out if you disagree!

I have got to stop disappearing…

I’m back! Again…

I can’t tell you all (you all…yea right ;) ) how often I think “I need to blog this!” “I should write in my blog about this.” “Ok. THIS is definitely going into the blog!” I just never conjure up the motivation to actually sit down and write it out. Between school, work, running and the rest of life’s daily chaos, writing in the blog just becomes another chore to me. But believe me, I can definitely sit down and read everyone’s posts all day long. In fact, it’s one of the first things I do when I wake up. Not joking. First I’ll peruse facebook, then instagram, and then move on to my favorite blogs to see if anyone has posted anything new. I do this with my morning coffee and it’s my little routine. I just can’t ever seem to fit writing my own blog in to it. However, I’m plenty caught up with homework and the boys I nanny are all sleeping, noone’s written any thing new in their blogs, so I’m free to write in mine. How about that?

Was that a long-winded enough explanation for why I’m writing today? 

Anyhow, since we last met I have gone up another lb. Last week I was up 1.2, in fact. I’m going to blame that 1.2 completely on water retention because I was basically the star pupil of Weight Watcher’s students last week. I got somewhere around 43 activity points, and tracked every single bite, lick and taste. BUT, I also tried spinning for the first time on Saturday, then I ran 6 miles on Sunday (first time in about 3 months running that distance), and then I did Body PUMP on Monday (also first time). By Tuesday I could not move. Could. Not. Move. I couldn’t really move comfortably again until about Friday. So, my gain on Wednesday was most certainly water. But, as per my old habits, my 1.2 gain got me down in the dumps. I had a hard time staying on track over the weekend, but I pulled it back together yesterday. I ran 7, and I cooked a healthy dinner. (Baja Style California Fish Tacos, 9 WW pts) and drank my water. I’m not working out again until Wednesday, where I plan on attending another Body PUMP at the Y with an old friend. 

As far as Body Pump…if you are planning on Weighing in shortly after taking that class, I suggest you don’t. I did it on a Monday and weighed in on a Wednesday, and was up 1.2. So now I’m going to plan to do it regularly on Wednesdays, that way my body has a week to get over any kind of gain. For the first few weeks I should look forward to my body feeling like death for a couple of days after each one. That’s a good thing! Right?

Don’t know what Body Pump is? It’s a whole body strength exercise class with weights. There’s no dancing, which I was very happy about, and nice loud music to get you pumped. You get to take a short break after each “move”, which I was also happy about. There’s an instructor at the front who (in my class) is VERY helpful and tells you exactly what to the entire way. She even gave an example of each move before we had to start a new one so that you wouldn’t be lost until half way through. I got there a bit early so that I could introduce myself to her and let her know I have NO clue what I’m doing. So she helped me gather all my equipment (that’s another cool thing, all the stuff you need besides water and a towel is there!) and then told me what weights I might want to use and helped me set up. She kept an eye on me through the class and I really felt welcomed. So far I’m pretty impressed. I have heard from numerous people that this class will get you nice and tone, and by the way I was feeling it all week I can definitely see why. I’m excited to go back on Wednesday, and I also plan on doing Spin again on Saturday.

Spin was AWESOME. I burned somewhere around 900 calories, and I actually didn’t feel horribly afterwards. Perhaps since I’m conditioned running wise I was okay to do Spinning, because it wasn’t as scary as people were telling me it was going to be. I was able to pull through the whole class and felt like I could have kept going. For anyone who’s never tried it: It’s basically a special kind of stationary bike, they look a bit different from the ones that are in the gym, and the handle bars are more like what would be on a bike, but more compact. Theres three different hand positions, just labeled One, Two and Three. Again there’s an instructor up front who will tell you what to do the whole way through, and very loud music. (The music in this class is the best because you are cycling through the music. So when the tempo goes up, you go faster, when it slows down so do you) The instructor will tell you when to rise up, and sit back down. The different hand positions kind of indicate how hard it is. One is the easiest, and is used when you’re sitting down, so your back is straightened. Two, you’re leaning down just a bit, and usually your butt is hovering over the seat. Three is when you’re completely hunched over and your butt is up. You use three to really push it “over a hill”, and go from two to one to come back down. All in all, I was impressed with this class and am excited to go back.

What is so cool about doing these classes is that I don’t feel inconvenienced by going to them. When I have to go to the gym to run I’m just groaning all over. Of course when it’s over I feel awesome, but getting to it is the worst. When I’m heading to these classes I feel excited, and I want to do them over and over. All week I was disappointed that I couldn’t go, and I totally planned on hitting up Spin on Saturday, but I was so exhausted I slept through the alarm twice. I slept through it again on Sunday. I did get to the gym Saturday but it was such a waste because I COULD NOT move. Body Pump REALLY kicked my ass into next week last week. I was SO tired and exhausted the entire week and I was getting worried I wouldn’t be able to do my long run yesterday, but I did! 

With the Half coming up I had started looking up different tips for beginners on training. I found tips all over from how to dress, what to eat the night before and morning of, a running schedule, and different energy supplements for the race day. (I heard GU was a good fuel so I picked some up on Sat at Dick’s. More on that later) I also read while doing my research that you should get into more conditioning activities, like weight training and cycling. That’s the main reason I decided to try out these classes. It makes sense too. Not only am I conditioning my body to run, I’m conditioning it all over to be completely fit. I was worried before signing up for my half that I’d let the nerves get the best of me and not be able to train. So far it’s looking good, though, and I’ve got about 7 more weeks to do so and I’m already up to running 7 miles. I will definitely be ready by race day! 

As for the GU. It’s essentially a fuel supplement that comes in a few different forms. I picked up on in a little packet that is sort of like a gel. It has all different flavors, even plain, and I picked up Mandarin Orange. It says on the pack that it will give you up to 1.5-2 hours of energy fuel, which is PERFECT for a Half. I also picked up the GU Chomps, which were basically rather large gummies. I picked those up in Watermelon and they were DELICIOUS. I haven’t tried the gel packet yet, but the Chomps I did use for my run yesterday. The serving size was 4 gummies, and I chewed them up before I started my run. I definitely could have run further yesterday, but I didn’t want to over exert myself. Joey also chewed some up before doing his work out, but he said he didn’t really notice a difference. However, he wasn’t really doing anything that would have required the GU. He did run 3 miles, but then did weight training. So I would definitely say the GU is mainly for distance running. I will definitely be picking up some more Chomps while I’m training and I’ll let ya know what I think about the gel form when I use it.

I also picked up some new running shoes this weekend. I had had the Nike Pegasus 28′s this whole time, and they definitely were worn out. I ran about 200+ miles on them, and that was just way too much. I picked up the new Nike Pegasus’, and I’m certainly IN love. They were like running on baby unicorn clouds for 7 miles. They’ll be nice and broken in by run day, so I’m very glad I picked them up now. 

I know that a while ago I had said I wanted this blog to be more about my diet and working out. Because my life is so much more than that. I hope to start actually blogging when I think to do it, so that I can have more on here than just running and weight watchers. They are such a huge part of my life right now, which is why they seem to be covering up my news feeds and Instagram, but I can’t help it! 

I’ll be back again Wednesday to let ya know how my Weigh in goes, sans body pump today. Hope you all have had a fabulous last few weeks and that anyone stumbling by got to learn something. :) 

Where have I been?

So it’s been a couple of weeks. 

I really disappointed my self in the last two weeks of December by not eating right or really exercising at all. After the 19th, which was my last weigh in of 2012, I just kind of went on vacation. I paid for it. Ohhhhh did I pay for it. I skipped the 26th weigh-in, and went back on the 2nd kicking and screaming. I had to, though, as any fellow weight watcher would know. I purposely skipped the 26th because I KNEW it wouldn’t be good, and I didn’t want to see that quite yet. So I took that as an excuse to continue being terrible for another week, and come the 2nd I was up 6.8 LBS! Can you friggin’ believe that? I got my self down to a lower weight than when I was a senior in highschool and I blew it on some champagne and a million empty calories. (The champagne was totally worth it) 

When I saw my weight sky rocket like that I jumped back on the band wagon very happily. I even offered to drive it. On that very fateful day I hadn’t even been planning to go, but a little voice told me that if I didn’t I would just keep ballooning up and never see the light of day. Am I ever glad I got on that scale…which is surprising to me because it used to be that if I even slightly gained, it could be +.1, I would freak. I’d be DEVASTATED. But 6.8? Sure, not problema. I guess it was because I KNEW how disgustingly awful I had been and I deserved it. I downright deserved it. I decided to run that day, for the first time in probably a month, and somehow pulled out 3 miles. A very slow 3 miles it was, but nonetheless I did it. I ran a couple more times that week, even while on a quick 24 hour vacation to visit my BFF in Washington, DC. Her and I hit up the gym and ran it out, made ourselves a delicious salad for lunch and headed to the zoo where we walked for 2 hours! We then came home and cooked a deliciously healthy WW meal and that was our day. I had really been expecting us to go full hog and go out for lunch/dinner and have a few bloody marys, but she made sure we stayed on track. I needed that. 

On the 9th I was down 4.2 lbs, which I was at first disappointed about. But I realized, it took me two weeks to put the 6.8 on, I need two weeks to take it off. Maybe this Wednesday I’ll be down another 2.6, we’ll see. I’ve been staying on track, even when we went out to dinner twice last week!

Last Wednesday we headed to Famous Dave’s, which is admittedly a very hard restaurant for me to stay on track at. However, I made sure to fill up on healthy foods all that day and when we got there I was really not all that hungry. I usually order the two meat combo (terrible, I know), but that night I ordered just the brisket with some steamed broccoli and beans. Brisket is apparently one of the healthiest cuts of beef you can get. AWESOME. I didn’t even finish half of my brisket (there were about 5 or 6 palm sized thin slices), and didn’t really touch my beans because they weren’t all that good, but definitely finished my broccoli. Then, since we had a free birthday meal there for Joey we were surprised with a birthday sundae. It was three scoops of vanilla ice cream piled with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. We joked about how we could have made the same thing at home for a 1/3 of the calories, but we ate it anyway. It was free, hello! We didn’t finish that either, though, so I was pretty proud of us!

Then Friday, my mom’s birthday, her and I headed to Moe’s for lunch. I made sure to point my lunch before we got there and stuck to it. I’d never been there before….well I had been once years ago when I lived in NC, and hadn’t been impressed. But I wanted to give it another try. I got the Joey Junior Fish Burrito? I think that’s what it was called. It’s about a 4 in burrito, and you get to pick your toppings. I went with all healthy options (fresh veggies and fish, with a little rice), and it filled me up pretty nicely. My mom got the Homewrecker. That should be self explanatory. 

That night we had plans to go out with my parents and our good family friends Joanne and David to Outback. I also pointed that dinner before we went out and again stuck to plan. When the bread came I didn’t touch it. When the free Bloomin’ Onion came, I didn’t touch it. I have to admit, however, that I’ve never been a Bloomin’ Onion fan so that wasn’t hard for me. (I LOVE Onions and I LOVED fried anything so I don’t know why it’s never been a thing for me…too greasy?). I had my dad order two Ahi Tuna appetizers (which is like 2 points? SO GOOD). When the wings came, I didn’t touch them. I had a few too many glasses of moscato, but backed each one up with a full glass of water. I ordered a 6 oz steak with fresh broccoli and some sauteed mushrooms. That was that. I left without feeling stuffed or gross. Which was nice. 

On Saturday I did something I never thought I would do. Now, I know I had said I was going to do this back in December but then the problems arose with my chest pains and I just kind of got scared off completely from running for a while. But, I decided to sign up for the Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon in DC on March 16! Brittany had been asking me to do it, and I really really wanted to…but it took me a week after she’d signed up to actually do it. I kept telling myself it was the money aspect (125 bucks to run 13.1 miles seems INSANE to me) but it was really the doubt. Once I had done it I felt energized and excited. I am SO excited to do this, and as much as it cost I will be even more motivated to train. 

Yesterday we joined the Y. It’s something we’ve really been wanting to do but thought it would cost too much. We got a post card in the mail letting us know that the joined fee (60 bucks) was being waived for the month of January, so we decided to just go and check it out. They have a new couples option for $83 a month, which we didn’t think would be so bad. Joey canceled Weight Watcher’s so there’s his half of the Y membership. Honestly, he doesn’t really track or go to meetings…he was just using WW to weigh in once a week. So we decided we will just buy a WW scale and then he can weigh in weekly at home. He follows plan and all, but just isn’t as invested in it as I am. I NEED WW to stay on track, he doesn’t. Lucky dude! With my restarting my old nanny job (Yes, I get to go back to Zaney in February!) it won’t hurt so bad having to pay for the membership. With what I’m making at my current nanny gig there was no way I’d be able to pay that membership without feeling it. Anywho, after joining the Y we went out to run some errands and have lunch. I got half a salad at Saladworks! Yum. We got back home and I threw a healthy version of chicken and dumplings in the crock pot and we headed to the gym. I ran 5 miles! I felt AWESOME afterwards and I feel great today. It’s supposed to be my rest day but Brit is home visiting (she leaves today) and we planned to run to day. I have a free guest pass at the Y for her so hopefully we’ll head there after I get off work. I’m planning on just running a quick 2, hopefully that doesn’t kill me.

I hope to start writing in here more often. I think about it pretty frequently, but it just doesn’t happen. Hopefully now that I’m back in my groove with eating right and running, I’ll be better about writing. :)

 

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR :)

My Year in Review

First ill go over my last few weeks of the challenge. So I really blew it with posting about each week of the Skinny Snowman challenge. I rocked out week 3, and then week 4 I was plagued with some awful sickness. I barely got 200 PTs for the week, and kicked it up to full gear for week 5. Who knows where I ranked but I am number one in my book! I was down 5.5 for the 5 weeks the last time I checked, so all in all it was an amazing experience.
Today is New Years Eve and I am stuck working. Only until 2, I hope. So while I wait for the boys to wake up (all three were awake at 5 this morning…UGH) I will start my year in review.
This time last year I weighed in at 233 lbs. I’m now weighing in at 187! How amazing is it that in 12 short months I managed to take off 46 lbs? And before that another 20?
This year I learned to run. Sure I knew HOW to run but never did. Around March I started noticing myself plateauing and knew I needed to up my workout routine from walking to running. I stepped it up, and although it took me from March to August to see any real results, due to my lack of eating right, it was worth it. Now I’m training for a half marathon for March of 2013!
In July my best friend in the whole entire world asked me to spend the rest of our lives together, officially. That tops everything else that happened this year!
I graduated from Del Tech with an associates in Criminal Justice. This was especially awesome to me because for a short while there I really didn’t think I was gonna see the finish line. Not because I wasn’t doing well or because I didn’t want it. Just because with living on my own, working full time and dealing with life’s daily stress and anxiety I was sure I would fail. But instead I pulled off a decent GPA and went on to Widener University. And in my first semester there this year I pulled out 3 As and a B! Pretty spectacular for a girl who took a year off of college after High School to move to NC for no good reason!

2012 has probably been the best year of my life to date. It’s been filled with so many amazing things worth celebrating and I’ve never been this happy.

It is now noon, and I started this post around 7…ugh boys!

Anyways, as I was saying…I’ve never been this happy. It’s so strange to feel this way. It’s exciting and wonderful and SO NICE. But it also comes with a sense of fear that this happiness won’t get to last long. What is going to happen in the future that will absolutely break my heart? That question runs through my head like a hamster on a wheel. I’m constantly on the edge of my seat for the phone call that’s going to make my world come crashing down. I hope to whatever higher powers are out there and beyond that this awful fear doesn’t come true in 2013, or 2014, or ever. But I know that’s not realistic.
Joey always gets so frustrated when I start to talk about these what ifs. But I can’t help it! It’s like I feel in some way that if I am constantly aware of the possibility and how terrible I imagine its going to be, that it’ll somehow prepare me. I also know that is a silly thought to have. Am I the only one who thinks this way and doesn’t have children?

Aside from the morbidity I have bought this blog down to I’ve also thought of a few resolutions for this great year of 2013!

1. Stop peeing/pooping with the door open. Yup, I’m that girl. Joey HATES it and I really really really understand, but I do it anyway. It’s just easier? Lol. I’ve been consciously trying to make an effort lately and I hope for success in the new year with this endeavor, for our marriage haha.
2. I want to lose 20 more lbs. that’s it! That sounds so unbelievable to me. This year I lost 46! I can’t imagine only having to lose half of that. Should be a piece of cake. Key phrase: should be.
3. Run a half marathon. I have a plan to do one in mid march in DC with Brittany.
4. Become more creative with eye makeup. I LOVE doing my makeup but I am completely ignorant of how to apple eye shadow. I own three shades…some kind of beige color called birthday suit, another sort of beige whose name I do not know, and a black. Yup. I think I probably have a pink somewhere around here. I have all the brushes (as of this weekend) so I hope to venture out and get some more colors and get fancy with my eyes!
5. I want to take the dogs to the park more often. I used to take Bobbie to the park or on a walk almost daily. As I’ve gotten much busier obviously that has slacked off a bit. However, my poor baby wants to exercise and I can see it in her sad baby face whenever I leave. The little dogs love the park too but they get worn out pretty quickly. Bob used to be my main run buddy and I want to start taking her again.
6. And lastly, I want to find my career job! I hope by the end of this year I find something in the legal field. That would be amazing!

I hope you all have a fantastic night. Be safe!

What are your resolutions?

Nannying, weight loss, and College

UGH. Just a big fat over weight UGH.

Before I begin what I’m sure is about to be lengthy vent-style post, let me talk about week 3 of The Skinny Snowman Challenge!
I finished week 3 with 10 more points than last week. Still not my best, but better than the week before so I won’t complain. I rocked out the Weekly Challenge of eating “clean” for a day which basically was just cutting out anything processed. Which is surprisingly easy to do since I don’t really eat anything processed as it is. I coincided that challenge with Meatless Monday, making it even easier to do. I honestly cannot even remember what I made for MM however…I think it was vegetarian enchiladas? Yes, that’s it. They were very meh…I didn’t even give them the courtesy of taking a picture.
Other than that, I rocked out the week with walking and drinking my water and a that jazz. I haven’t run, however, since the Friday before last, which is really depressing. Hell, I think it’s been even a week longer than that. I just haven’t felt like it. Ever since the chest pain saga I was really deterred from it all. Hopefully I’ll get back into it sooner than later, but right now I’ve got a mean cold that has got me way down.
Anyways, were in to week 4 of the challenge! I can’t believe there’s only one more week of this awesome challenge. I totally plan on continuing meatless Mondays, and to continue everything I love about the challenge. (3 servings of fruit and a veggie with every meal are probably my most favorite part! I never really cared too much about how many servings I got a day, just as long as I had something. Now I’m all about it!)
Oh, bonus about the Skinny? I’m down 4.4 lbs! Who got me to my lowest weight in 8 years, 188! I am now 65lbs and some change lost and feeling fabulous. I remember feeling awesome this time last year, but then after seeing Christmas and New Years photos of myself I was alarmingly depressed by the way I looked. I had lost 20-30 lbs by New Years and somehow I believed at 220-230 that I looked fuckin slammin. Not! I mean, yes…my confidence was much better and I was happy, but those pictures were so terrible I am surprised they didn’t throw me overboard. For the first time in years I’m not afraid of the camera. I know now that I look awesome, and if I happen to not like a picture of myself because it makes me “look fat” I KNOW it’s just a bad angle or an unflattering view because I am NOT FAT. That is such a liberating feeling to embrace that it almost brings me to tears.
I do still shy from mirrors, especially my bathroom ones, only because I don’t want to catch myself at an unflattering angle. When I have taken the time to do myself up I LOVE the mirror. But most days I just roll out of bed, put on different “comfy” clothes, brush my hair blindly and head to work. Three little boys don’t care how I look, and I don’t see the point in dolling up when I know I’m going to get sweaty or thrown up on or have orange juice spilled on me at some point. It’s a little trick, not looking in the mirror, that I started doing when I first joined WW. The first few weeks of losing but not seeing results would really fuck with me. So, I found that I was much happier with my weight loss when I wasn’t constantly looking in the mirror judging myself. It was especially hard not to do since our bathroom has the three-fold mirror. But I ALWAYS have them folded out, exposing our medicine and deodorant, but that’s what works for me.
Speaking of what works…I’ve been a fu time nanny for the last 6 years. I’ve worked for a number of families, from all different walks, ages, genders and even in a few different states. I don’t want to step on any toes or to offend anyone, but I just feel that in my small amount of years doing this that I’ve learned SOME things. In no way shape or form to I think of myself as a parent, no do I pretend to even kind of know what it’s like to be one. I am aware that having a child of your own is in no way comparable to being a nanny. I GET IT. But that being said, I also feel like being a nanny gives an objective stand point on being a parent. You have the ability to not be as hurt by the tears that come from a scraped knee, or to not be as manipulated when they ask for candy before dinner. It’s much easier to stick to the rules, because more often than not that kid is going to behave 50 shades better for you than their parents…simply because you can tell on them. In being a nanny I’ve learned the importance of nap times, routines, schedules and forcing a child to eat their food. Not saying that a parent doesn’t know these things, but I think a lot of times it comes with trial and error. Such as learning what not to so with the second child. That’s how I learned with my charges (Kids I’ve nannied for). My first nanny job ever was with twins! Little 2 month old twins. I was in well over my head and I remember crying multiple times because there was no way I could make it. Through them there was a lot of trial and error, but with two babies at the same exact age it was even more important that I had them do things at the same time…eating, sleeping, playing etc. which meant routine/schedule and not deviating WHATSOEVER. I took that lesson into my next family and so on and so forth.
Now here I am, 6 years later, and I’m still learning. I’m now with three boys, ages 3, 6, and 8. I am tested by them on a daily basis and in the beginning had no idea how I was going to make it. I cried in frustration and anger. I didn’t know why they wouldn’t listen and I was absolutely too stubborn to call their mom or grand mother, who can put the fear of god into those kids, because I wanted to prove to myself that I am capable of getting these boys under control.
Most days are insanely hectic and outrageously testing. I arrive at 5:30, waking them up by 7am (if they’re not already up when I get here…) I keep the older two from killing each other while showering, picking out their clothes, cooking them breakfast (most days it’s just cereal or waffles though), and helping them with homework. The youngest is up most days when I get here, but goes right back down for me when his mom or grandmother leave for work and he will stay asleep until 8. But that time from 7-8 feels like it goes on for days some times and I have NO IDEA how his mom or any mom does it on a daily basis. This is my first time with older children during a school year. I once had a summer nanny position for 4 children, ages 1-12 and that was intense! But not even a fraction as frustrating and difficult as this can be some days. But then again it was summer time and things were far more relaxed.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I started writing this post around 5:30 in the morning, and it is now 1 in the afternoon. I’ve gotten two boys off to school, too one boy to pick up my order of Christmas cards, took him to swim, addressed, filled, and stamped all the cards and sent them off, fed the boy lunch, got him to bed, vacuumed their house, emptied the dishwasher (the refilled it) took out the trash, put away toys, switched over some laundry, and NOW I’m finally back to writing the blog…so where was I?
Basically, I’ve learned as a nanny that no matter how much I think a certain way is right, it is most likely never going to be that way once I leave. I do not give snacks every time they’re asked for, (50 times before we leave for school alone I’m asked for candy), I do NOT allow children to drink soda, I make them brush their teeth after breakfast and lunch (of course before bed too if I’m there), I make them eat their fruits and veggies, I stick to timeouts and naptimes, and overall the kids always know how our day is going to go. There’s no guessing. Well, sometimes there is. But there will always be nap time! I love naptimes :) however, more often than not all of this shit goes out the window once I leave. With every single family. Do they just not care? Is it like me with my dogs when I discipline them and can’t stand to see their sad faces 5 seconds later so I give them treats? (I honestly think that this is how parents must feel about their children. My dog took a shit RIGHT in front of me yesterday…I smacked her behind and INSTANTLY felt horrible and picked her up and kissed her and told her its alright) Do they do it to fuck with me? Do they enjoy their children bouncing off the walls on caffeine an sugar? Is it fun to have your kids sleep in bed with you every other night? Is it enjoyable when your kid doesn’t take a nap? I mean…what the hell? Sure, kids fight me on sleep and food and taking a bath and EVERYTHING…but after a few knock down tantrums and screaming (on their part) they usually end up just getting used to it. Before, with this current family, the youngest would SCREAM bloody murder every morning when I would put him back down after he was up with his mom at 5am. I’m sorry, I just don’t see the point in a 3 year old being awake before 7 or 8. He literally would punch and kick me as I carried him to bed. Now? He just reaches up for me or walks back to bed on his own. And he will be sound asleep until I wake him at 8. He used to cry so hard at nap time he would vomit. I’m NOT joking. But thats how he gets away with not taking naps for his parents…hes learned that if he cries hard enough he wont have to nap. Now? Right after he’s finished eating he says “now I brush my teeth and go to bed!” Like he’s excited about it. He would crumble into pieces every day when I would dress him. Fighting every piece of his outfit down to the socks? Why? I have NO clue. But now it makes no difference to him what I dress him in (as long as there’s Spider-Man underwear). But his parents still fight with him pretty regularly about these issues. Is it just easier as a parent (especially with multiple children) to just give in? Always?
I’m in NO way saying the people I work for now are ill equipped or that what they do is wrong. It’s this way with almost every family I know, almost. Even families I don’t and have never worked for. So parents out there…why does this happen?

As far as college goes…I’m finished for the semester! 4 more classes next semester and I’m all done…for good! So far I’ve gotten two grades back from two classes and they’re BOTH A’s! Woo hoo! This is probably my biggest relief right now because I was really getting overwhelmed with school four night a week and working all day on those days, plus trying to stay on track with my weight loss and all of that.

Somehow I managed to lose 24 lbs during this semester! I finished all of the Christmas shopping for 7 nieces and nephews, the boys I work for, and a few other kids Joey and I think of as family, as well as some for my friends and Joey. They’re even all wrapped and under the tree. Now I just need gifts for our parents and were all done :) I even managed to get the Christmas cards out before Christmas, which I did not see happening. I have been uber stressed about that and I was able to create them last night and they were ready for pick up this morning.
With all of this stress and craziness, I’ve managed two A’s so far, and significant weight loss. So when people tell me they don’t have time to eat better or workout it takes every inch of my being not to roll my eyes.

That used to be me.

Week 2 of Skinny Snowman

I will have to admit that I did not do as well with week 2 as I did in week 1. I did manage to hit quite a few goals, but I was really hoping Id be able to motivate myself enough to get the maximum amount of points for the week (450), which was 25 more than I did last week. However, I ended the week with 405. Not so bad, but not as great as I would have liked. 

Last night I let the demons entice me into ordering chinese food at 8pm. But, I am proud to say that I did not even eat half of my order of singapore noodles (the last time I ordered that I ate the ENTIRE container), and had 1 egg roll (which is terrible, yes) and half of a small order of hot and sour soup. Yesterday was a rough day for everyone, and I honestly think it was just emotional eating. I wasn’t hungry. I was bored.

Yesterday morning on our way to a friends funeral, we stopped for breakfast at Dunkin Donuts. Hate that place, by the way. I got a turkey sausage and egg white flat bread (6 points, I believe), and that was it. I didn’t eat again until around 4 pm. I shared a small seafood pasta dish with my friend at Big Fish, had a wedge salad which I shared with Joey and my friend, and then also ordered a side of steamed broccoli to get my veggie in. I must say I was incredibly proud of myself! But by 8, the food bug was after us again. We were in bed by 6:30…literally drained by the day. But we weren’t tired. I wish we had just fallen asleep because I’ve woken up today feeling greasy, run down, so tired, and absolutely disgusting. I can feel the chinese food all the way down to my toes. I feel extra jiggly today, and just plain FOUL. I need to remember this the next time we decide we’re “hungry”.

Today is meatless monday, and I will be starting my day off with egg whites and some kind of vegetable. I usually go home with the little man I nanny once his two brothers are on the bus, but today I’m going to stay at their house. I have NO fruit or veggies at my place right now, which means Benny and I will be headed to the grocery store once his brothers are off the bus. For dinner I have a recipe from the Meatless Monday website, enchiladas. They should be delicious! I am going to try to cook them before class tonight, we’ll see how that goes. 

I am in such a funk today, and I think a lot of it has to do with the chinese food. It’s crazy to think how food can do that to you. 

I had to explain to our friend yesterday why we couldn’t get pizza. Sure, I’ve eaten my fair share of “bad foods” over the year, but fast food like McDonalds and Wendy’s, and pizza are just not something I’ve tried since Weight Watchers…at least not regularly. I did have McDonalds ONCE, and I think pizza around a month after I started WW (and I pointed every bite!), and I know that if I decided to have regular delivery pizza now, my stomach would fall out of my butt! Joey makes an AMAZINGLY healthy and delicious pizza himself, so why have a greasy and disgusting one delivered, just to make my stomach turn a few minutes after indulging? That is why we opted for Big Fish, because I knew there were healthy options and portion sizes there. I knew I was better off making a healthy decision there than if we had decided to go to a pizza joint.

I still make bad food decisions pretty often. More often than I should. But I make healthier ones 10x as much. I never would have added a side of broccoli for 2.29 before. I never would have shared a pasta dish in my life. And ordering a salad instead of the Pumpkin Lobster Bisque? No way. Not only did I order the salad, but I SHARED IT. (it certainly wasn’t the healthiest salad…it had garlic ranch and gorgonzola cheese, but it was shared!)

I’m hoping for a good loss this week, but I don’t know if I’ll see one. I indulged one too many times this weekend, and if a gain happens…it happens. I had fun, I know where I made mistakes, and I can change them by starting on the right track today. 

That’s the great thing about WW..it’s never too late to start over.