-2.4 lbs…

I’m at a total of 27.4 lbs. Which, for some odd reason, has me depressed. I have been doing this for 15 weeks now, going on my 16th, and I’ve lost 27.4 lbs. My amazingly supportive and fantastic boyfriend is down 18.2+ lbs in just 4 weeks. Why is it taking me so much longer, ALMOST 4 MONTHS, to lose not even 10 lbs more than him? I don’t get it…I know weight comes off much quicker in the beginning, and I know he has a lot more to lose than I did in the beginning, but what the fuck. 4 months and I’m only down 27.4 lbs. Fuck.

I’ve been struggling big time these last 2 weeks with being hungry. I just want to eat everything. I must say that I’m a little proud of myself for losing that 2.4 in the last two weeks because I DID have a Big Mac (first one in YEARS might I add) on Saturday night, plus sushi Friday night, and sesame chicken with fried rice and an egg roll another night last week. Hmm…..Ok. I have to stop bitching. That right there is why I’m only at 27.4 lbs. Although, I’ve steadily lost weight, and I’m doing it at the recommended pace of .5 lb-2lbs a week, so I should give myself a pat on the back. It’s just incredibly frustrating to know that in 4 months I’ve lost not even 30 lbs. I don’t know why that is bothering me so much today. I am not in a race. I don’t have anything coming up that I need to lose this weight for, I guess I just thought I’d have lost it quicker. Really, it’s about 2 lbs a week…so it’s not so bad. I just need to get over myself. I guess I just need to remind myself of my overall goals:

1. Feeling better about myself is most important. (I’d say I definitely feel much better about myself than I did 4 months ago. Win!)

2. Be able to wear shorts this summer. (I’ve got about 4 1/2 months to go until summer weather)

3. BIKINI! (If I keep going at the rate that I am, I will be down to under 200 by beach season, so a bikini may just work out)

4. Keep off the weight. (This will have to be something that I continually work on…we’ll see how that goes.)

I have a ton of pretty silly goals, but these are my main ones, at least for this year, and obviously number 4 is a forever goal. I just ultimately want to feel good about myself, not have to avoid mirrors, and be confident. I don’t care if I’m never going to look like a super model. I have curves, and I love them. I will always have T & A, and I love that too. I don’t want to be a stick figure. I don’t want to be rail thin. I just want to be healthy, happy, and confident.

On to other, less important but equally scary news, Super Bowl Sunday is this Sunday. Wahhhh! I can’t have wings, or cheesesteaks, chili dip, nachos or pizza. Or…can I? I’ve taken a few recipes from my bible Weight Watchers cook book for some inspiration. I am STILL going to have chicken wings, but they are really just chicken tenders, that are baked, and seasoned with hot sauce. I will have a 7 layer chili dog dip but it will consist of fat free sour cream, turkey, meatless hot dogs, and fat free or low fat cheese. I will have nachos but not quite as many, and I could still have pizza I just need to figure out how I am going to pull it off. I also saw some ideas for other dips and things that were 1-2 point values. I plan on making some chili, not sure what kind yet, and I’d like to make some BBQ turkey sliders. I just want to be able to enjoy the game and most importantly I want Joey to be able to as well. Last year I remember us having hot wings, pizza, and a vegetable tray that barely got touched. This year it’s a whole new ball game, literally. I plan on hitting up the gym that morning, and taking my dogs for a walk during half time. That way I can fully enjoy myself and not go over my points. :)

I still have not shared this with the world. I just don’t feel absolutely comfortable with letting everyone know just yet how much I weigh. I suppose that can be set as a goal as well:

5. Become comfortable enough to share my journey publicly. Maybe.

 

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