Off the wagon, down the highway, in a ditch

*covers face in shame*
Don’t look at me! I am a disgrace!
I don’t know where my former self went this weekend, but I assure you I was NOT myself.
Starting off on Friday, I had a 28oz margarita, a shrimp quesadilla, a tamale, and Spanish rice. Oh, then later, a brownie a la cold stone from cold stone creamery.
Saturday was even worse. The beginning of the day was perfect. But then I had to babysit the little boy I used to nanny full time for, and his parents left us cash for dinner. I saw that as an opportunity to make an excuse for bad eating since I never see Zane anymore. We went to sushi, where I would have done one heck of a bang up job gorging myself if the sushi chef would even have glanced in my general direction. That’s a story for a different day however. But I still didn’t do all that great. Afterwards, when I was relieved of babysitting, I met up with Joey at a local bar where he had a show and has two beers. Not bad, but that turned into a WaWa shorti gobbler at 1am, and a small bag of baked lays.
But Sunday? You want to know how dooms day Sunday went? Basically it started off at Home Town Buffet for breakfast. Why? I don’t fucking know. I haven’t been there in almost 3 years because I have never been one to really enjoy those types of places. I prefer sitting down and having someone bring me my drink and my food, and not watching children of all ages trying to no avail to get every flavor from the icee machine without spraying it everywhere. But it happened. It was a bad idea. But also a delicious one. Once that mess was over, I went home and pounded glad after glass after glass of water. I then made a deliciously healthy Turkey Bean and Vegetable Chili , and then laid in bed with some baked chips and salsa, then a skinny cow. I wasn’t even hungry so I dont know why!
To not gain this week would be wrong in so many ways. I HAVE TO GAIN. If I don’t I don’t think I’ll truly learn from my TERRIBLE decisions. Furthermore, this is the week that we were given the challenge to track every day and ten print out our trackers for the week and bring them into the meeting to share. Yea right. Did the pressure just get to me? Did I sabotage myself? Is my period coming? (yes). Am I pregnant? (hell to the no!) so what was it? Why did I do so badly and not even care?
I haven’t eaten like this in so long. Maybe ONE day of it but not three! I’m so disappointed in myself but there’s nothing I can do about it now except get back on track.
I packed a healthy salad for lunch, I’ll be pounding water all day, and another healthy dinner will be made tonight. Not sure what yet but it’s on a meal plan in my computer at home and I’m damn sure sticking to it!
I don’t know why I don’t even care so much that I will be gaining this week. I’m convinced I won’t care on Wednesday because I’m expecting it so fully. I have already decided that I’m back on the wagon 100 percent so I think that’s why I’m so blasé about the whole occurrence.
It actually feels pretty good to know that I’m not utterly hopeless about my impending doom gain. It shows that I’ve finally gotten it. I can’t expect to see results in my favor if I perform terribly. Therefore I can’t beat myself up when I eat like a cow and don’t run, because I know I’ll wake up sooner or later and turn it around.
Ive already planned a walking date with my besty Brittany, and the little man I nanny for, and then I plan to run tonight when I get home since class has been canceled (cha ching!) I will walk again tomorrow, and continue to eat well.
Also I have set a pretty hefty goal for myself this week. NO EATING OUT WHATSOEVER. Not ordering in either. I need to cleanse my body from the nasty demons I let inside of it this week.
I sincerely hope you all had a better weekend eating wise than I did, and that you continue to have a great week.
Tell me how you stay on track on the weekends!

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