Back up to speed. Kind of.

I’ve never had much luck with doctors. No matter if I was bleeding from my ears or coughing up a lung I’ve always been told I’m just fine. For the majority of my childhood we did not have health insurance, so unless we truly were hacking up a lung or it was an emergency (such as two of my brothers both breaking BOTH of their arms, or me flipping my bicycle on top of me busting open my chin) we did not see doctors. Now, my mother was the best doctor I could have asked for. She bandaged knees like the best of them, and always made sure we got antibiotics for when we were truly sick. She kept us warm and fed us homemade chicken noodle soup. She washed our sheets as soon as our sickness was over to kill the germs. And she somehow always was able to make us feel 100 percent no matter what. Thank goodness we were all generally pretty healthy kids, and that our mom was awesome at taking care of us. But, whenever I did see a doctor they really never gave me more answers than my mother and father could. I remember as a child looking through our actual bound encyclopedias to look up illnesses! Together we decided I had mono, and it being a viral infection we knew antibiotics wouldn’t help so the next best thing was soup and cartoons in bed. I was better in no time. When I had shingles, which if you don’t know what they are look it up, my mother knew there wasn’t anything that could be done and tried not to let me worry. Now there is a vaccine but ten years ago you just had to grin and bear it. For a 13 year old that was extremely hard to do by the way. Once we got health insurance sometime when I was in high school, and I started going to doctors regularly, I never seemed to get any answers. I used to have terribly awful migraines on a regular basis and they didn’t find anything wrong with that, not even wrong enough to prescribe me something safer than the Tylenol I was popping triple the dosage of. I got tonsillitis on top of strep every year for 5 years in a row and was prescribed Tylenol 3s every time, for the pain, but never told I should have my tonsils removed. I was awoken in the middle of the night to the most terrible stabbing pain I’ve ever felt that paralyzed me, and if not for my boyfriend who was staying the night I would not have been able to make it to the hospital since I was 500 mi away from family and my roommates weren’t home. I was told it was “probably” an ovarian cyst that burst and was prescribed Vicodin and sent on my way. I never took that Vicodin by the way because the pain subsided on its own. Last summer I was met with the same exact pain that got worse and worse throughout the day. Joey took me to the ER that night and after sitting there for TWELVE HOURS, and only being given an ultra sound, I was told it was possibly diverticulitis. Seriously? That pain comes and goes sometimes now and I’m to the point that I just ignore it because clearly no one else cares. I’ve had a lump on my jaw line for 5 years now that no doctor seems to care about whatsoever.
So when my chest pain started two weeks ago I did what I do best when something is not right and I ignored it. Because what would seeing a doctor do anyway? I look fine. I’m not bleeding. Nothing is visibly broken, so why would they care? It started when i was just getting ready in the bathroom. i felt a terrible stabbing pain in my left pectoral region and it knocked the wind out of me. This has happened throughout my life and is a pretty common occurrence for some people. It kind of feels like a bubble in your lung that just popped and after a few deep painful breaths it goes away. It did go away but this time it left some residual pain. It just kind of lingered in my chest all day long every day. By the 12th day I couldn’t take it anymore and scheduled an appointment. I walked in wearing my law school t shirt. The nurse first mentioned it, asking if perhaps me being in school was causing the pain. Um no. Don’t think so. Then the doctor came in and she starts assuming the same thing “Are upcoming exams worrying you?” Um no. They’re really not. She decides that I should see a cardiologist even though she says she’s positive it’s not my heart but wants tob be safe. She also decides I should not drive and that I should wait there in the building for 5 hours until my cardio appointment at 3pm. Sure lady. I come back at 3 and meet with the cardio. Again I’m greeted with a nurse saying “did you ever think maybe going to law school could be causing your chest pain?” UM NO BECAUSE ITS NOT BECAUSE IM NOT IN LAW SCHOOL YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I GO to a law school where I’m in the PARALEGAL program. But thanks for asking me you fucktards. I was hooked up to an EKG machine and told the doc would be in shortly. He comes in and AGAIN I’m asked about my chest pain being related to school. What the fucking fuck? He says my EKG seems fine and touches me with a stethoscope and then says he’s sure im fine. He wants me to take a stress test but he is POSITIVE there’s nothing wrong. And when is this stress test you ask? October 26th! Seriously? Why do I even go to doctors? I never get an answer and I always leave crying. Joey goes in with a sprained thumb and they give him a CT scan. I have persistent chest pain for two weeks and I get a stress test that isn’t for ANOTHER two weeks? Wtf.
It scares me to think that if something was ever truly wrong with me that I wouldn’t know. It’s like unless I come in there making up how badly something aches they’re not going to care. I don’t lie, and I do not come in until I really can’t stand it any longer.
Basically I got zero answers yesterday and a prescription for Motrin. What for? Who knows. My chest pain is still here and on top of it I am trying not to puke from the nausea that has plagued me since yesterday morning and i have a very upset stomach.

It has me so angry that I never want to see a doctor again. What the hell is the point anyway?


2 thoughts on “Back up to speed. Kind of.

  1. Have you thought about going to another doctor? I would be asking for a second opinion and then making sure that doctor works to find out what is wrong. To me chest pain isn’t something you mess with.

    And I agree the health care system is SUPER frustrating! And friggin expensive!!!!

    • I am planning on seeing a pulmonary specialist ASAP! I am so frustrated with the doctors it’s ridiculous. I did end up going to the hospital last Thursday and still received no answers. Now I’m coming down with what seems like the flu, I really can’t catch a break!
      I feel like every doctor just kind of guesses with what your symptoms are and completely generalize you. At least general doctors, which I suppose fits their title! I just hate that you have to go see a specialist to hope for any answers, what’s the point in a family doctor!?

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