Time Just Keeps Flyin’ On By

Jeepers. It’s July 9th. 2 months since my last post. I think about blogging at least once daily, if not more. I’m not a very proficient writer, and I always gag while reading back over a post…feeling like it’s not even me writing these words. This blog just doesn’t sound like me. I mean, I started this post out with “jeepers”. Pretty sure I’ve never uttered that made up word out loud, except when talking about that horrible excuse for a horror flick, Jeepers Creepers 1 & (sadly) 2.

In 2 months a lot has changed and pretty much stayed the same all in one. A lot of headway has been made as far as wedding plans go. Invitations are in and will be ready to go out to our guests in the next week or so. Favors are planned and will be orders/assembled over my big bachelorette party week. The bridal shower is set for next weekend, the 21st. My dress is in, the girls dresses are almost in, and the guys tuxedos are selected. Minor details are coming along slowly but surely, and this whole wedding thing doesn’t seem so horrible to plan after all. Having never planned one and hoping to never have to do it again I think my girls and I have done a pretty great job. I just hope it all comes together on the big day! I’m not so much a party planner…completely not a party planner. My worst fear is people showing up to the venue and thinking “Okay…what was she going for here?”. It’s a Wizard of Oz theme but I don’t want it to be over the top “themey”. Here’s hopin’!

As far as Weight Watchers is concerned I’ve been doing a pretty kicked ass job. I did fudge up a little bit but got back on track and am down to 177, so a total of 7 lbs lost since my last post. I hit the 75 lb mark which was AMAZEballs. I even got a little charm to go with it. My friend Jules is on the WW wagon with me and she’s honestly been a big help in keeping me on track. WW, in my opinion, always works better with a friend. She’s doing incredibly so far and looking fabulous. I’m so proud of her! Jules was one of my first friends in college and she’s struggled with weight pretty much her whole life. She thanks me on a daily basis for getting her to join WW with me and I have to remind her that SHE is the one I should be thanking…I was going through a pretty rough go eating right and exercising when she joined and she got me back on the right path. She’s definitely going to go far and reach her goal; I can feel it. In the almost 2 years that I’ve been with WW so many people have asked me how they can lose weight and if I have any tips or advice. I’ve given the same long drawn out advice to person after person, and NO ONE has ever taken it. Just as I didn’t take other people’s advice I asked for long ago. I don’t fault them for it, because I know how difficult it is to start. I just wish I were better with my words so I could convey what an absolutely life changing tool WW is.

One recent change in my life has been worrying about my parent’s health. While neither of them is significantly ill or sick in anyway, neither of them are at all healthy either. Both of my parents have high blood pressure and astronomically bad cholesterol. Growing up I never thought the food we were eating was unhealthy, and now I realize just how unhealthy all of my mother’s cooking is. My parents are both very naive about what’s good and what’s bad, thinking that since they haven’t had a heart attack “YET” that they’re fine. For both of them to be on as much medication as they are for all their different issues I can’t grasp how neither of them think that their lifestyle is okay by any means. They’re in their mid 50s and as I grow older, so do they, and I’ve just begun to become aware that they’re not going to be here forever…which seems a little premature to think about for some, I’m sure, but when I see the amounts of pills they each take regularly, and how many doctors visits they go on and how often they’re down with the flu/cold/strep/etc. it worries me. I wish I could just be their personal cook/trainer/caretaker so that I could control their health. But the least I can do for now is constantly remind my mother to drink more water, check her blood pressure, and her blood sugar (she’s type 2 diabetic), and to keep up with her blood work when her doctor orders it instead of letting it slip by the way side. I was very happy to hear that her cholesterol on her last blood work was significantly lower than previous years, like SIGNIFICANTLY lower. She’s also started texting me about what she should/can order when having lunch or going out to dinner. She works in the city and they order lunch pretty much everyday, and while she thinks that a cheesesteak split between breakfast and lunch is alright, it’s just not. It’s amazing how my thoughts were exactly the same just two years ago…just because it’s a SMALL, doesn’t mean that it’s any better. I digress… I just want my parents to live LONG and healthier lives. I don’t ever want to have to visit them in the hospital after a heart attack, or worse…not get the chance to visit them at all.

I don’t know if it’s just getting slightly older or if it’s due to my increasingly better health that I’ve become so morbid. I’m constantly worrying about every member of my family, wishing they could just be healthier. I don’t have the finances to hire them all personal trainers or cooks, and I certainly can’t quit my job to do it for them… I don’t want to be the nagging force at all the future family parties/cookouts/holidays. I don’t want the people around me to feel badly or guilty for eating another slice of cake or slathering mayo on their burgers. I just want them to all go on a run afterward with me ;). Just kidding. Sometimes I just think about before I joined WW, how much happier everything was then.. which is a really horrible thing to think. I’ve even had Joey tell me how I was a lot happier THEN than I am now. Food controlled so much of my life…as it does now too. But in happier ways. Now it’s so stressful for me to constantly think about healthier alternatives, or having to make sure I bring my own foods to the family BBQ, and feeling devastatingly guilty when I miss one or two days in a row at the gym. I hate it, honestly. 

 

I could go on for days about my previous statement. So I think I’ll save that for another post. I just hope it doesn’t take me another 2 months to do so!

Advertisements

Hard.

Yesterday was rough. Surprisingly though, I did not go crazy eating wise. I was actually ridiculously awesome considering the amount of stress I was under.
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I had all three boys I nanny for yesterday. Typically I have the older two for about an hour in the morning, and then it’s just Ben and I for the rest of my ten hour day.
I have dealt with kids of all ages, sizes, backgrounds, and genders. Never have I ever experienced children who behave as badly as these three together do. Adding a third to the mix really makes a difference. And the only time two is ok is when it’s the youngest, Ben, and one of the oldest. Both of the olde boys? Forget it. From the moment their little devil angel eyes open their bickering begins. Who’s getting a shower first? Who got the red bowl? Who has the other ones Spider-Man toy? Who hit who? Etc. It literally goes on and on and on like this until they’re on the bus.
My entire weekend was constantly sprinkled with the reminder to myself I would have all three come Monday, due to Veterans Day. I just had to block it out of my mind completely.
It was about ten times worse than what I had imagined. I’ve never experienced children who listened worse than these three together. It’s literally as if I do not exist to them. When I’m speaking they 100% ignore me. I have to repeat myself AT A MINIMUM of a dozen times before they will finally look at me, and another dozen before they finally move. How my cousin does it every single day I will never know. I guess the power of a mother’s love is really really strong. Really. I broke down around 10am. I quite literally bawled my eyes out to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Thankfully the three of them were busy trying to kill each other in the front yard so they were unaware of my break down.
Rule # 87 in the nanny code: Do whatever it takes to never let a child see you cry, it breaks their hearts and yours.
I just cried and cried. It wasn’t so much their fault as it was a compounding of being in school full time, working full time for very little pay (far less than what I made at my previous job with a not-yet-talking 1 year old), having a house with three dogs and a man who works so very hard to keep the roof over our heads and never feeling like I’m doing ENOUGH (even though Joey reminds me on a daily basis just how much I DO and how thankful he is, I just beat myself up about not being able to help out financially as well as I had been), along with dealing with these three boys. It just broke me yesterday. I couldn’t handle it, and so I cried like a small child. Joey, the amazing man that he is, fixed it all, like usual. He sweetly calmed me down as much as possible over the phone. He has such a way of balancing out my craziness. Once I cried I felt like a hundred bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. I got a clearer head and even got some homework done while the boys were watching a movie, one of them was napping thank goodness.
My day began at 6am and didn’t end until I walked in the door at almost 10pm. Too many of my days are like this and I’m sorry, but I just won’t ever be okay with that.
I have 6ish more months to go and ill be done with school and able to get a big girl job and be finished with nannying once and for all. It may take me through to summer to find one, but I am determined to do so. Being a nanny is the perfect job to do while going to school. If you watch nap-taking aged children it’s even better, because you can focus 100% of your time and energy on them while they’re awake and get your stuff done while they sleep. I’ve thankfully always had the pleasure of nannying for children who sleep, or who at least know how to have quiet time, so I’ve been blessed.
I don’t know how people work regular full time jobs and go to school, it’s exhausting just to do this.
Either way, the point in all of this is that I survived yesterday. I came home and the house was spotless, Joey had waited up for me, and all was good and perfect.
Today I only have two boys, as one is sick and staying home, so it’ll be a good day. At least until 1, when the third comes home from early dismissal.
The great thing about all of this is that I have no homework due this week, at all. I just have to make it to Thursday. And then I can have a relaxing and perfect weekend.

Thursday, Thursday, Thursday.

Is it Thursday yet?