Time Just Keeps Flyin’ On By

Jeepers. It’s July 9th. 2 months since my last post. I think about blogging at least once daily, if not more. I’m not a very proficient writer, and I always gag while reading back over a post…feeling like it’s not even me writing these words. This blog just doesn’t sound like me. I mean, I started this post out with “jeepers”. Pretty sure I’ve never uttered that made up word out loud, except when talking about that horrible excuse for a horror flick, Jeepers Creepers 1 & (sadly) 2.

In 2 months a lot has changed and pretty much stayed the same all in one. A lot of headway has been made as far as wedding plans go. Invitations are in and will be ready to go out to our guests in the next week or so. Favors are planned and will be orders/assembled over my big bachelorette party week. The bridal shower is set for next weekend, the 21st. My dress is in, the girls dresses are almost in, and the guys tuxedos are selected. Minor details are coming along slowly but surely, and this whole wedding thing doesn’t seem so horrible to plan after all. Having never planned one and hoping to never have to do it again I think my girls and I have done a pretty great job. I just hope it all comes together on the big day! I’m not so much a party planner…completely not a party planner. My worst fear is people showing up to the venue and thinking “Okay…what was she going for here?”. It’s a Wizard of Oz theme but I don’t want it to be over the top “themey”. Here’s hopin’!

As far as Weight Watchers is concerned I’ve been doing a pretty kicked ass job. I did fudge up a little bit but got back on track and am down to 177, so a total of 7 lbs lost since my last post. I hit the 75 lb mark which was AMAZEballs. I even got a little charm to go with it. My friend Jules is on the WW wagon with me and she’s honestly been a big help in keeping me on track. WW, in my opinion, always works better with a friend. She’s doing incredibly so far and looking fabulous. I’m so proud of her! Jules was one of my first friends in college and she’s struggled with weight pretty much her whole life. She thanks me on a daily basis for getting her to join WW with me and I have to remind her that SHE is the one I should be thanking…I was going through a pretty rough go eating right and exercising when she joined and she got me back on the right path. She’s definitely going to go far and reach her goal; I can feel it. In the almost 2 years that I’ve been with WW so many people have asked me how they can lose weight and if I have any tips or advice. I’ve given the same long drawn out advice to person after person, and NO ONE has ever taken it. Just as I didn’t take other people’s advice I asked for long ago. I don’t fault them for it, because I know how difficult it is to start. I just wish I were better with my words so I could convey what an absolutely life changing tool WW is.

One recent change in my life has been worrying about my parent’s health. While neither of them is significantly ill or sick in anyway, neither of them are at all healthy either. Both of my parents have high blood pressure and astronomically bad cholesterol. Growing up I never thought the food we were eating was unhealthy, and now I realize just how unhealthy all of my mother’s cooking is. My parents are both very naive about what’s good and what’s bad, thinking that since they haven’t had a heart attack “YET” that they’re fine. For both of them to be on as much medication as they are for all their different issues I can’t grasp how neither of them think that their lifestyle is okay by any means. They’re in their mid 50s and as I grow older, so do they, and I’ve just begun to become aware that they’re not going to be here forever…which seems a little premature to think about for some, I’m sure, but when I see the amounts of pills they each take regularly, and how many doctors visits they go on and how often they’re down with the flu/cold/strep/etc. it worries me. I wish I could just be their personal cook/trainer/caretaker so that I could control their health. But the least I can do for now is constantly remind my mother to drink more water, check her blood pressure, and her blood sugar (she’s type 2 diabetic), and to keep up with her blood work when her doctor orders it instead of letting it slip by the way side. I was very happy to hear that her cholesterol on her last blood work was significantly lower than previous years, like SIGNIFICANTLY lower. She’s also started texting me about what she should/can order when having lunch or going out to dinner. She works in the city and they order lunch pretty much everyday, and while she thinks that a cheesesteak split between breakfast and lunch is alright, it’s just not. It’s amazing how my thoughts were exactly the same just two years ago…just because it’s a SMALL, doesn’t mean that it’s any better. I digress… I just want my parents to live LONG and healthier lives. I don’t ever want to have to visit them in the hospital after a heart attack, or worse…not get the chance to visit them at all.

I don’t know if it’s just getting slightly older or if it’s due to my increasingly better health that I’ve become so morbid. I’m constantly worrying about every member of my family, wishing they could just be healthier. I don’t have the finances to hire them all personal trainers or cooks, and I certainly can’t quit my job to do it for them… I don’t want to be the nagging force at all the future family parties/cookouts/holidays. I don’t want the people around me to feel badly or guilty for eating another slice of cake or slathering mayo on their burgers. I just want them to all go on a run afterward with me ;). Just kidding. Sometimes I just think about before I joined WW, how much happier everything was then.. which is a really horrible thing to think. I’ve even had Joey tell me how I was a lot happier THEN than I am now. Food controlled so much of my life…as it does now too. But in happier ways. Now it’s so stressful for me to constantly think about healthier alternatives, or having to make sure I bring my own foods to the family BBQ, and feeling devastatingly guilty when I miss one or two days in a row at the gym. I hate it, honestly. 

 

I could go on for days about my previous statement. So I think I’ll save that for another post. I just hope it doesn’t take me another 2 months to do so!

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Will I even become a consistent blogger?

It sure has been awhile…AGAIN. So much has happened in these passing months and I can’t believe I didnt document a single lick of it.

I don’t know where I was at weight wise the last time I posted. But for my own sake I should update on it exactly: As of last wednesday I am down 69.6 lbs, and weighing in at 184. From people who don’t know my weight but know I’ve been losing, are always shocked to hear when I’m in the 180s. Which is definitely a good thing! They always think I’m at LEAST 160…which is 5 lbs PASSED my goal. If I look that thin now I’m worried to think of what I’ll look like at goal. ;)

Aside from that, I know my last post in here was not happy, happy, happy (for all you Duck Dynasty lovers like myself!) but so much stress has been relieved since then. I completed my very first Half Marathon on March 16, which brought me so much joy and relief. I had been so absolutely stressed that I wasn’t going to be able to finish, and it went off without a hitch. I could not have been more prepared for the race. I was constantly researching and training, so I don’t know why I was doubting myself so much. It seriously one of my biggest and greatest accomplishments so far. I plan to do another one this year, but that’s really on the back of my mind with a wedding to plan and all.

I also finished school. FOREVER. (until I get bored and decide I should go back…whomp whomp). But yes, as of 8 days ago, I AM DONEZO. It is so strange to wake up and not have to worry about the next assignment due. Or getting off work and being able to just GO HOME. Even though it was only 9 months ago when I decided to get my paralegal certificate at Widener University, that feels like a lifetime ago. As my last post informed you, I have been in school basically my entire life. When I graduated with my associate’s last year I had no plans of going further…but then I did. However, right now I am so happy with my educational efforts so far and I hope to have a paralegal position after the wedding in September. Right now I’m entirely too lucky to be able to stay with Zane and work full time 3 days a week, leaving ample time to take care of wedding and miscellaneous stuff. However, I am entirely ready to start my career.

This year has brought so many changes to my life already. And more big changes to come. I hope to hit goal this year, only 19 more lbs to go. My name will be changed for crying out loud! I ran a freaking half marathon and completed school. I absolutely think 2013 is my favorite year so far. It’s crazy how things just fall into place, although getting to that place can sometimes feel suffocating and impossible.

I can’t even remember what had me so low when I posted last. I feel silly even reading that. But at the time I needed to vent and get it all out. I remember feeling so stressed about the wedding, thinking I had noone in my corner to help. Well, all of those people I didn’t think I had were there with me to help me say YES to the dress, to pick out their bridesmaid/maid of honor gowns, go cake tasting, and will be with me for many more events in the next few months. It all felt so unattainable a few months ago, and now it’s all happening.

With all of the stress I really got out of the WW game and just wasn’t really focused. I felt like I had already come so far and just wanted to take a break for a while. I did that after I had hit 40 lbs, and that lasted for about 4 months. I’m thankful that my friend Jules joined in March and she remotivated me. As of March 20th I’ve been back to weighing in weekly, and about two weeks after weighing in again I actually started tracking again and getting back on the WW wagon. I had gone back up to 194, and managed not to let that last long at all. Tomorrow is weigh in and I’m hoping to hit 70 lbs lost! I’ve been eating well, and exercising a ton this last week so I should have no problems losing the .4 I need to hit 70. I’ll be sure to update on that!

Sorry for the jumbled up mess that this post is, but I just am sitting here waiting for Zaney to wake up and wanted to write down a few things. :) Hope everyone is well!

It’s all Worth it

All the pointing, tracking, worrying, monthly payments, admittedly-sometimes-depriving, guilt trips, frustration, anger, fear, and resentment at times is all worth it. Finally. For the last year I have struggled so many times. I’ve faltered on numerous occasions. I have made dozens of excuses, and a handful of empty promises to myself. But through all of that I did it! I succeeded in losing most weeks, I became a runner for the first time in my life, I’ve gone from a size 18-20 to a 10-12. Even with ALL of the self doubt and the surety that I was NOT progressing, it happened.
We had our engagement shoot yesterday. And for anyone that may know me, you know that the one thing I fear more than Oompa Loompas is having my picture taken. I despise it really. Unless of course I’m taking it myself at the absolutely right angle with all of the photoshopping and filters a y disposal. So naturally I was truly nervous about how this would turn out. I had wanted to wait for the spring to have these taken so that I’d have time to lose more weight. But our wedding is in Autumn, and the leaves are so gorgeous right now that I knew the engagement shoot had to be in Autumn too, and plus I could cover up unlike with a spring session.
I made the make up appointment, made sure Joey had a decent outfit picked out, got pumpkins, a new leash and collar for Bobbie (obviously our baby had to be in a few!), and Joey even carved a heart into one of the pumpkins. I fretted over what kind of paint to get for the pumpkins, literally working myself into a nervous sweat. I agonized over whether or not I should wear gloves because I didn’t know if it would look like I had fat hands or not if I did wear them. It was a nightmare. I threatened to call it off at least twice the day of. I really hate having my picture taken!
We headed up to Ridley Creek State Park in Pennsylvania, which is absolutely frickin gorgeous by the way. There’s this FABULOUS stone mansion there and it has the best landscape ever. I’d never been there before but I trusted our amazing photographer and was totally excited…for the scenery. We got there pretty early so we could let the dog chase around the leaves and pine cones, and so that I could paint the numbers of our wedding date on the pumpkins (9 20). I even ran around some to warm up because it was FREEZING. I practiced my smile 100 times in any reflection I could find, and then Ron showed up. I kept nervously laughing at everything and then it began. First he started shooting the pumpkins, which I was happy to let him take a million of so as long as it meant I had more time to prepare myself. And then it was our turn. I wasn’t sure if my bangs were crooked or if my double chin was showing. I kept laughing like a crazy person. I thought my calves were too big. I literally was going over every ridiculous detail of my body over and over again.
We started walking around the place and Ron would tell us to do certain poses, and we would. And then wed also be our silly normal selves and start laughing when he’d say “Now Joey look into her eyes”. At one point Ron even told us that the best photos so far were when we were just doing our own thing, and for the rest of the time he pretty much just let us do what we wanted which I loved.
He let us know after it was over that he’d post a few photos in a few day and he’d have the rest in about two weeks. And then this morning I had three requests to be tagged in photos of Ron’s. I couldn’t look at them for at least an hour. Finally around 5:30am I got up the courage to face them.
I was blown away. Two out of the three actually had our faces in them, the other one had our hands and the heart carved pumpkin. The two photos with our faces just absolutely floored me. Not because I thought I looked earth shatteringly gorgeous or anything, which lets just face it I did lol, but because I didn’t hate them! I really really loved them. I couldn’t believe it.
From the beginning of this whole engagement and wedding planning I’ve been dreading photos. I was convinced I’d hate these and if I hated these I’d hate my wedding photos and itd all be for nothing. And not because I don’t trust our photographer but just because I’ve never ever ever liked a photo of me, at least not in the last 6 years. Which was when I started putting on weight.
Now that I love this little sneak preview so much I know I will love the rest, and I no longer am afraid of our wedding photos! I am so excited!

Here’s a little preview for you guys:

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Everything was worth it for these pictures. Not only are these some of the most important photos of my life, but they’re 100x more enjoyable because they’re with the man I get to marry and the fact that I want to show them to the world is amazing. He will love any photo of us ever, and any photo of me is a masterpiece in his eyes. Even ones where my eyes are half open and I’ve got a mouthful of food, I know he thinks I’m gorgeous. I wanted to love these so much for him and it added more pressure on me because I knew if I didn’t like what I looked like then noone could see them and that’s just selfish of me because I knew he’d want to. We have a few photos of us hanging in our house now and they’re from when we first started dating. They’re mostly all from this one day when we were trapped in a snow storm in his little apartment. My mom has every picture from that day because she uploaded them to her laptop like a little sneaker! (She’s done that ever since I’ve owned a camera and will surprise me with them at the most embarrassing moments…like in a slideshow at my college graduation party) anyways, I love those pictures of us because they just captured how in love we were and how new we were. I didn’t care what angle they were taken from or how stupid we looked. They weren’t meant to be gorgeous.
These photos were. But they still capture just how in love we are and how much we care about each other. Can you even tell how nervous I am, or that I’m thinking about how bad they would be? Probably not because once he started snapping away all of my worries kind of dissipated. Because Joey was there whispering silly thing between shots like “You look like you have a finger in your butt” and “How mad do you think Bobbie is right now that she’s locked in the car?” And “I hope that kid falls in the fountain”. I knew he was just trying to ease my nerves and make me feel better.
I can’t wait to marry him!

Well, well, well…we meet again.

It has officially been 2 months, and 1 week since my last blog post. Crazy? I bet you think that I’ve got a plethora of bad news awaiting you…but you’re wrong! I actually have fantastical news.

Since June I’ve only gone down 1 pound. However, I also put on about ten pounds…and with in the last two weeks I’ve managed to lose all of my gained weight and am officially at the lowest I have been in a very, very long time. I went through a decent hiatus from Weight Watchers, which I am not proud to admit, but it was much needed. However, I was in denial the entire time about it and can only just now admit it now that I’m back in the groove of things. The truth is, when I started running back in March I expected to lose a TON of weight right away. But, the only way I was going to do that was if I was also eating right, which I wasn’t. I THOUGHT I was, but truthfully what I was doing was eating just about whatever I wanted, not pointing it, and assuming that because I was running that it wouldn’t matter. Well, it DID. The only thing that matters now is that I have gotten back into my groove, and I am happy.

More good news: I’M ENGAGED! YES, THAT’S RIGHT. SOMEONE WANTS TO MARRY MY FAT ASS. Just kidding. About the fat part. But yes yes yes, Joey proposed (I’m not totally sure if I’ve mentioned him before, but he’s my boyfriend turned fiance who I’ve been living with for the last year and a half, and we’ve been together almost two years).

The Proposal: We were on vacation in Ocean City, Maryland for the week back in July, and I had a feeling he was going to ask so I was VERY excited all week long. During our week there, we were going to be celebrating something a little silly. We have this picture of us together, from before we were dating and before I ever knew I would even be willing to date Joey. (Long story short, I WAS DEFINITELY NOT INTO HIM at first, but he grew on me ;) ) Anyways, this picture was taken on July 24, 2010, and we packed the same clothes we were wearing in the picture, and planned to wear them on that day. Also, Joey had planned for us to go see fireworks that night on the beach, so I was definitely thinking it was going to happen. After a day of fun, we headed to the beach with our two good friends, Brittany and Adam (not a couple), who were with us for the week, and set up on the beach right before the fireworks. When the fireworks began Joey walked me closer, and Brittany and Adam slyly walked away from us…and I KNEW. A few minutes into the show, Joe thought it was time for the finale, and told me he had a question to ask me. He pulled out a GORGEOUS diamond and got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him. I instinctively reached for the ring and just said “YES YES YES!”. He said I was shaking and crying but I can’t remember that at all. I barely remember anything I was so excited! So, after a few phone calls, we all started towards the boardwalk for celebratory ice creams and Joey and I got a caricature done to commemorate the evening. We headed back to the beach house and popped a bottle of champies and it was so so so fun. Now, we are planning out our wedding and have started looking at venues and it’s just such an awesome feeling that I don’t even care about food! Sike, yes I do. But I’ve got a wedding to look good for! :)

Hopefully I will start posting more from now on and can update you all on both my weight loss, and my wedding plans :)