Time Just Keeps Flyin’ On By

Jeepers. It’s July 9th. 2 months since my last post. I think about blogging at least once daily, if not more. I’m not a very proficient writer, and I always gag while reading back over a post…feeling like it’s not even me writing these words. This blog just doesn’t sound like me. I mean, I started this post out with “jeepers”. Pretty sure I’ve never uttered that made up word out loud, except when talking about that horrible excuse for a horror flick, Jeepers Creepers 1 & (sadly) 2.

In 2 months a lot has changed and pretty much stayed the same all in one. A lot of headway has been made as far as wedding plans go. Invitations are in and will be ready to go out to our guests in the next week or so. Favors are planned and will be orders/assembled over my big bachelorette party week. The bridal shower is set for next weekend, the 21st. My dress is in, the girls dresses are almost in, and the guys tuxedos are selected. Minor details are coming along slowly but surely, and this whole wedding thing doesn’t seem so horrible to plan after all. Having never planned one and hoping to never have to do it again I think my girls and I have done a pretty great job. I just hope it all comes together on the big day! I’m not so much a party planner…completely not a party planner. My worst fear is people showing up to the venue and thinking “Okay…what was she going for here?”. It’s a Wizard of Oz theme but I don’t want it to be over the top “themey”. Here’s hopin’!

As far as Weight Watchers is concerned I’ve been doing a pretty kicked ass job. I did fudge up a little bit but got back on track and am down to 177, so a total of 7 lbs lost since my last post. I hit the 75 lb mark which was AMAZEballs. I even got a little charm to go with it. My friend Jules is on the WW wagon with me and she’s honestly been a big help in keeping me on track. WW, in my opinion, always works better with a friend. She’s doing incredibly so far and looking fabulous. I’m so proud of her! Jules was one of my first friends in college and she’s struggled with weight pretty much her whole life. She thanks me on a daily basis for getting her to join WW with me and I have to remind her that SHE is the one I should be thanking…I was going through a pretty rough go eating right and exercising when she joined and she got me back on the right path. She’s definitely going to go far and reach her goal; I can feel it. In the almost 2 years that I’ve been with WW so many people have asked me how they can lose weight and if I have any tips or advice. I’ve given the same long drawn out advice to person after person, and NO ONE has ever taken it. Just as I didn’t take other people’s advice I asked for long ago. I don’t fault them for it, because I know how difficult it is to start. I just wish I were better with my words so I could convey what an absolutely life changing tool WW is.

One recent change in my life has been worrying about my parent’s health. While neither of them is significantly ill or sick in anyway, neither of them are at all healthy either. Both of my parents have high blood pressure and astronomically bad cholesterol. Growing up I never thought the food we were eating was unhealthy, and now I realize just how unhealthy all of my mother’s cooking is. My parents are both very naive about what’s good and what’s bad, thinking that since they haven’t had a heart attack “YET” that they’re fine. For both of them to be on as much medication as they are for all their different issues I can’t grasp how neither of them think that their lifestyle is okay by any means. They’re in their mid 50s and as I grow older, so do they, and I’ve just begun to become aware that they’re not going to be here forever…which seems a little premature to think about for some, I’m sure, but when I see the amounts of pills they each take regularly, and how many doctors visits they go on and how often they’re down with the flu/cold/strep/etc. it worries me. I wish I could just be their personal cook/trainer/caretaker so that I could control their health. But the least I can do for now is constantly remind my mother to drink more water, check her blood pressure, and her blood sugar (she’s type 2 diabetic), and to keep up with her blood work when her doctor orders it instead of letting it slip by the way side. I was very happy to hear that her cholesterol on her last blood work was significantly lower than previous years, like SIGNIFICANTLY lower. She’s also started texting me about what she should/can order when having lunch or going out to dinner. She works in the city and they order lunch pretty much everyday, and while she thinks that a cheesesteak split between breakfast and lunch is alright, it’s just not. It’s amazing how my thoughts were exactly the same just two years ago…just because it’s a SMALL, doesn’t mean that it’s any better. I digress… I just want my parents to live LONG and healthier lives. I don’t ever want to have to visit them in the hospital after a heart attack, or worse…not get the chance to visit them at all.

I don’t know if it’s just getting slightly older or if it’s due to my increasingly better health that I’ve become so morbid. I’m constantly worrying about every member of my family, wishing they could just be healthier. I don’t have the finances to hire them all personal trainers or cooks, and I certainly can’t quit my job to do it for them… I don’t want to be the nagging force at all the future family parties/cookouts/holidays. I don’t want the people around me to feel badly or guilty for eating another slice of cake or slathering mayo on their burgers. I just want them to all go on a run afterward with me ;). Just kidding. Sometimes I just think about before I joined WW, how much happier everything was then.. which is a really horrible thing to think. I’ve even had Joey tell me how I was a lot happier THEN than I am now. Food controlled so much of my life…as it does now too. But in happier ways. Now it’s so stressful for me to constantly think about healthier alternatives, or having to make sure I bring my own foods to the family BBQ, and feeling devastatingly guilty when I miss one or two days in a row at the gym. I hate it, honestly. 

 

I could go on for days about my previous statement. So I think I’ll save that for another post. I just hope it doesn’t take me another 2 months to do so!

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Will I even become a consistent blogger?

It sure has been awhile…AGAIN. So much has happened in these passing months and I can’t believe I didnt document a single lick of it.

I don’t know where I was at weight wise the last time I posted. But for my own sake I should update on it exactly: As of last wednesday I am down 69.6 lbs, and weighing in at 184. From people who don’t know my weight but know I’ve been losing, are always shocked to hear when I’m in the 180s. Which is definitely a good thing! They always think I’m at LEAST 160…which is 5 lbs PASSED my goal. If I look that thin now I’m worried to think of what I’ll look like at goal. ;)

Aside from that, I know my last post in here was not happy, happy, happy (for all you Duck Dynasty lovers like myself!) but so much stress has been relieved since then. I completed my very first Half Marathon on March 16, which brought me so much joy and relief. I had been so absolutely stressed that I wasn’t going to be able to finish, and it went off without a hitch. I could not have been more prepared for the race. I was constantly researching and training, so I don’t know why I was doubting myself so much. It seriously one of my biggest and greatest accomplishments so far. I plan to do another one this year, but that’s really on the back of my mind with a wedding to plan and all.

I also finished school. FOREVER. (until I get bored and decide I should go back…whomp whomp). But yes, as of 8 days ago, I AM DONEZO. It is so strange to wake up and not have to worry about the next assignment due. Or getting off work and being able to just GO HOME. Even though it was only 9 months ago when I decided to get my paralegal certificate at Widener University, that feels like a lifetime ago. As my last post informed you, I have been in school basically my entire life. When I graduated with my associate’s last year I had no plans of going further…but then I did. However, right now I am so happy with my educational efforts so far and I hope to have a paralegal position after the wedding in September. Right now I’m entirely too lucky to be able to stay with Zane and work full time 3 days a week, leaving ample time to take care of wedding and miscellaneous stuff. However, I am entirely ready to start my career.

This year has brought so many changes to my life already. And more big changes to come. I hope to hit goal this year, only 19 more lbs to go. My name will be changed for crying out loud! I ran a freaking half marathon and completed school. I absolutely think 2013 is my favorite year so far. It’s crazy how things just fall into place, although getting to that place can sometimes feel suffocating and impossible.

I can’t even remember what had me so low when I posted last. I feel silly even reading that. But at the time I needed to vent and get it all out. I remember feeling so stressed about the wedding, thinking I had noone in my corner to help. Well, all of those people I didn’t think I had were there with me to help me say YES to the dress, to pick out their bridesmaid/maid of honor gowns, go cake tasting, and will be with me for many more events in the next few months. It all felt so unattainable a few months ago, and now it’s all happening.

With all of the stress I really got out of the WW game and just wasn’t really focused. I felt like I had already come so far and just wanted to take a break for a while. I did that after I had hit 40 lbs, and that lasted for about 4 months. I’m thankful that my friend Jules joined in March and she remotivated me. As of March 20th I’ve been back to weighing in weekly, and about two weeks after weighing in again I actually started tracking again and getting back on the WW wagon. I had gone back up to 194, and managed not to let that last long at all. Tomorrow is weigh in and I’m hoping to hit 70 lbs lost! I’ve been eating well, and exercising a ton this last week so I should have no problems losing the .4 I need to hit 70. I’ll be sure to update on that!

Sorry for the jumbled up mess that this post is, but I just am sitting here waiting for Zaney to wake up and wanted to write down a few things. :) Hope everyone is well!

Good or Evil?

I struggle with good and evil on a pretty regular basis. Especially being a nanny. I have my own goals with the children and certainly my own beliefs. I’m probably scoffed at by parents all over who think that I think I know it all. I’m here to tell you I DON’T THINK THAT. There are a few things that I do think I might have a good thought process on, but nothing I think is unconventional or out of this world ground breaking. 

1. SLEEP. Sure, I love the break between 12-3 that a nap provides. But I also love the behavior that comes along with this good rest. I love knowing that the child was well behaved for the parents later on in the day, instead of their usual 6pm temper tantrum. I love knowing that it gave the child a better nights rest because they weren’t over tired. (For the longest time I didn’t understand how being over tired would affect a child’s sleep. I used to think just think that, logically, if they didn’t nap wouldn’t they sleep better, because they’d be so tired? Not true. At all.) I also enjoy the health benefits for children that come from getting a good nights sleep. You can’t argue with that, so I don’t need to explain why.

2. EATING WELL. I always strongly believed in this, even before I was eating well myself. That may seem a bit hypocritical, but I just seeing it as looking out for their well being over my own. I don’t think that treats need to be given everyday, or for every “good” that they do. I don’t think that just because brownies were made together that they all need to be eaten together at every turn. (some of these are personal examples…) Perhaps a cookie packed in a lunch every once in a while is appropriate. Every day? No. Brownies after breakfast? Hell no. Dessert every night? Nope. McDonald’s even once a week? FUCK no. I feel like McDonald’s and all fast food in general, ESPECIALLY FOR CHILDREN, is completely and 100 percent unnecessary. However, to celebrate a “special occasion” or if you really, really, REALLY had no other options that day…then fine. But to me, McDonald’s is an unnecessary evil. It does nothing for a human being except fill them up with fat and grease. I understand that things go haywire sometimes, or you’re running late…but sacrificing a child’s health is a sad consequence of not managing your time well. I don’t think that’s worth it. It may seem harsh, but when in my house as a child if you didn’t eat what was made for dinner…you didn’t eat. A few skipped meals and you realize that broccoli isn’t so bad. I remember one night my mother leaving me in the kitchen in the dark, after everyone had gone to bed because I wouldn’t eat my broccoli. I couldn’t get up until it was finished. I’m pretty sure I never fought broccoli again. Making separate meals for children, after they’re finished eating baby foods of course, is not ok. It only teaches them, in my honest opinion, that they don’t have to eat what you’re eating and that you will always make them whatever they want. They’ll just become accustomed to getting another meal, making you cook two different breakfasts/lunches/dinners. I feel like it also turns children into picky eaters. I’m in no way, shape or form a picky eater. Never have been. I feel that the way my parents raised me is a result of that. I learned to try new foods and not to be afraid of vegetables or something that smelled different. And face it, picky eaters are down right ANNOYING and is completely avoidable. 

3. YES all kids are DIFFERENT, but some things are simply universal. Naps are good for everyone, I don’t care who you are. Eating right is good for everyone. Discipline is good for everyone. Perhaps the WAY you’re disciplining is different, but it should be done consistently either way. Discipline is probably where I’ve noticed children suffer the most. Taking something away from them and telling them it’s gone for x number of minutes/hours/days/weeks, and giving it back at any point beforehand…teaches them nothing. Putting them in time out and allowing them to come out before the allotted time, teaches them nothing. Putting them in time out and then allowing them to go right back to how they were behaving and not repeating the discipline…teaches them nothing. This is all pretty common sense. Right? Wrong. I’m sure they all have their reasons for not following through with whatever it is they promised, but parents have got to fucking follow through. It’s funny that after a few temper tantrums and fits, the kids I watch eventually just accept what I’m saying. I do not have any magic tricks, or special powers. I simply stick to my guns. No matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. If it really does mean ruining whatever plans we had for the day to teach the 1 kid out of the 3 or 4 or however many, that his/her behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE, then so be it. If anything it’ll be a lesson for the rest of them as well that I’m not going to put up with that bad behavior, and that there will be consequences. 

I probably sound like a crazy lunatic right now, and that’s okay. If crazy lunatic means your child listens to me, sleeps well, eats well and is over all better suited for his little life…then call me a crazy lunatic. I can’t articulate how many times a parent has said “I don’t know how you get (insert childs name here) to eat so well! She doesn’t even stand up on the chair while she’s eating!” “We need to have you here for dinners more often if it means that little Johnny will eat his vegetables!” “I don’t know why he naps for you, he never naps for us!” and so on. Like I said: I claim no magical tricks or powers. I simply practice what I preach. No, it’s not always easy. There are days with sick children, interrupted schedules, and over all “WTF”s. But, on a broader scale these kids behave. For me. These kids sit still, tearless, in dentists chairs. They don’t cry or need soda to help make their medicine go down. They welcome naps. They welcome teeth brushing. They understand that no REALLY DOES mean no. It’s not like I walk in and these kids just start obeying me like sweet little angels. They try and fight me tooth and nail. I’ve been kicked, punched, shoved, pinched, bitten, screamed at, thrown up on from so much crying they actually projectiled their lunch because they had to take a nap, my chair kicked repeatedly on a car ride, and smacked. All of this behavior is then met with a STERN and I mean STERN talking to, and an appropriate consequence. After awhile, it seems to get through to them. And from then on we’re usually a-okay. 

My basic point in this whole rant/discussion is that I’m just trying to figure out WHY parents/guardians don’t follow these rules at least somewhat. Consistently. Sure, there are parents that do…but in every single nanny situation I have been in, these consistencies are non-existent. I’m pretty sure “Consistency” is a term these parents have never met. When these parents look at me and say “WOW, I can’t believe you got Little Lucas to do THAT!” I think “I can’t believe you CAN’T get him to do that”.

A child isn’t going to hate you because you put them in time out. They aren’t going to become serial killers because you forcefully talked to them. They won’t murder you in your sleep for turning the car around. And they certainly will not hold a grudge because you made them take a nap. Children are resilient. Children know what unconditional love truly means, and they will keep coming back for hugs. They will keep grabbing your face with both hands to give you big sloppy kisses (At least until they’re 6 or so… :( ) So don’t be afraid to follow through. Don’t be afraid to let them cry it out at nap time, or time outs. Don’t be afraid to PUNISH them.  Consistency is KEY with children. I know it’s frustrating, daunting, painful, annoying, and downright inconvenient at times….but it WORKS. It will make trips of all kinds more enjoyable, meal times less messy, nap times longer, and faces full of more smiles than tears. 

 

Agree with what you want, disagree with even more. But you cannot argue three things: 

1. Eating well is good

2. Sleeping well is better

3. Discipline is best

10 minutes in time out if you disagree!

I have got to stop disappearing…

I’m back! Again…

I can’t tell you all (you all…yea right ;) ) how often I think “I need to blog this!” “I should write in my blog about this.” “Ok. THIS is definitely going into the blog!” I just never conjure up the motivation to actually sit down and write it out. Between school, work, running and the rest of life’s daily chaos, writing in the blog just becomes another chore to me. But believe me, I can definitely sit down and read everyone’s posts all day long. In fact, it’s one of the first things I do when I wake up. Not joking. First I’ll peruse facebook, then instagram, and then move on to my favorite blogs to see if anyone has posted anything new. I do this with my morning coffee and it’s my little routine. I just can’t ever seem to fit writing my own blog in to it. However, I’m plenty caught up with homework and the boys I nanny are all sleeping, noone’s written any thing new in their blogs, so I’m free to write in mine. How about that?

Was that a long-winded enough explanation for why I’m writing today? 

Anyhow, since we last met I have gone up another lb. Last week I was up 1.2, in fact. I’m going to blame that 1.2 completely on water retention because I was basically the star pupil of Weight Watcher’s students last week. I got somewhere around 43 activity points, and tracked every single bite, lick and taste. BUT, I also tried spinning for the first time on Saturday, then I ran 6 miles on Sunday (first time in about 3 months running that distance), and then I did Body PUMP on Monday (also first time). By Tuesday I could not move. Could. Not. Move. I couldn’t really move comfortably again until about Friday. So, my gain on Wednesday was most certainly water. But, as per my old habits, my 1.2 gain got me down in the dumps. I had a hard time staying on track over the weekend, but I pulled it back together yesterday. I ran 7, and I cooked a healthy dinner. (Baja Style California Fish Tacos, 9 WW pts) and drank my water. I’m not working out again until Wednesday, where I plan on attending another Body PUMP at the Y with an old friend. 

As far as Body Pump…if you are planning on Weighing in shortly after taking that class, I suggest you don’t. I did it on a Monday and weighed in on a Wednesday, and was up 1.2. So now I’m going to plan to do it regularly on Wednesdays, that way my body has a week to get over any kind of gain. For the first few weeks I should look forward to my body feeling like death for a couple of days after each one. That’s a good thing! Right?

Don’t know what Body Pump is? It’s a whole body strength exercise class with weights. There’s no dancing, which I was very happy about, and nice loud music to get you pumped. You get to take a short break after each “move”, which I was also happy about. There’s an instructor at the front who (in my class) is VERY helpful and tells you exactly what to the entire way. She even gave an example of each move before we had to start a new one so that you wouldn’t be lost until half way through. I got there a bit early so that I could introduce myself to her and let her know I have NO clue what I’m doing. So she helped me gather all my equipment (that’s another cool thing, all the stuff you need besides water and a towel is there!) and then told me what weights I might want to use and helped me set up. She kept an eye on me through the class and I really felt welcomed. So far I’m pretty impressed. I have heard from numerous people that this class will get you nice and tone, and by the way I was feeling it all week I can definitely see why. I’m excited to go back on Wednesday, and I also plan on doing Spin again on Saturday.

Spin was AWESOME. I burned somewhere around 900 calories, and I actually didn’t feel horribly afterwards. Perhaps since I’m conditioned running wise I was okay to do Spinning, because it wasn’t as scary as people were telling me it was going to be. I was able to pull through the whole class and felt like I could have kept going. For anyone who’s never tried it: It’s basically a special kind of stationary bike, they look a bit different from the ones that are in the gym, and the handle bars are more like what would be on a bike, but more compact. Theres three different hand positions, just labeled One, Two and Three. Again there’s an instructor up front who will tell you what to do the whole way through, and very loud music. (The music in this class is the best because you are cycling through the music. So when the tempo goes up, you go faster, when it slows down so do you) The instructor will tell you when to rise up, and sit back down. The different hand positions kind of indicate how hard it is. One is the easiest, and is used when you’re sitting down, so your back is straightened. Two, you’re leaning down just a bit, and usually your butt is hovering over the seat. Three is when you’re completely hunched over and your butt is up. You use three to really push it “over a hill”, and go from two to one to come back down. All in all, I was impressed with this class and am excited to go back.

What is so cool about doing these classes is that I don’t feel inconvenienced by going to them. When I have to go to the gym to run I’m just groaning all over. Of course when it’s over I feel awesome, but getting to it is the worst. When I’m heading to these classes I feel excited, and I want to do them over and over. All week I was disappointed that I couldn’t go, and I totally planned on hitting up Spin on Saturday, but I was so exhausted I slept through the alarm twice. I slept through it again on Sunday. I did get to the gym Saturday but it was such a waste because I COULD NOT move. Body Pump REALLY kicked my ass into next week last week. I was SO tired and exhausted the entire week and I was getting worried I wouldn’t be able to do my long run yesterday, but I did! 

With the Half coming up I had started looking up different tips for beginners on training. I found tips all over from how to dress, what to eat the night before and morning of, a running schedule, and different energy supplements for the race day. (I heard GU was a good fuel so I picked some up on Sat at Dick’s. More on that later) I also read while doing my research that you should get into more conditioning activities, like weight training and cycling. That’s the main reason I decided to try out these classes. It makes sense too. Not only am I conditioning my body to run, I’m conditioning it all over to be completely fit. I was worried before signing up for my half that I’d let the nerves get the best of me and not be able to train. So far it’s looking good, though, and I’ve got about 7 more weeks to do so and I’m already up to running 7 miles. I will definitely be ready by race day! 

As for the GU. It’s essentially a fuel supplement that comes in a few different forms. I picked up on in a little packet that is sort of like a gel. It has all different flavors, even plain, and I picked up Mandarin Orange. It says on the pack that it will give you up to 1.5-2 hours of energy fuel, which is PERFECT for a Half. I also picked up the GU Chomps, which were basically rather large gummies. I picked those up in Watermelon and they were DELICIOUS. I haven’t tried the gel packet yet, but the Chomps I did use for my run yesterday. The serving size was 4 gummies, and I chewed them up before I started my run. I definitely could have run further yesterday, but I didn’t want to over exert myself. Joey also chewed some up before doing his work out, but he said he didn’t really notice a difference. However, he wasn’t really doing anything that would have required the GU. He did run 3 miles, but then did weight training. So I would definitely say the GU is mainly for distance running. I will definitely be picking up some more Chomps while I’m training and I’ll let ya know what I think about the gel form when I use it.

I also picked up some new running shoes this weekend. I had had the Nike Pegasus 28’s this whole time, and they definitely were worn out. I ran about 200+ miles on them, and that was just way too much. I picked up the new Nike Pegasus’, and I’m certainly IN love. They were like running on baby unicorn clouds for 7 miles. They’ll be nice and broken in by run day, so I’m very glad I picked them up now. 

I know that a while ago I had said I wanted this blog to be more about my diet and working out. Because my life is so much more than that. I hope to start actually blogging when I think to do it, so that I can have more on here than just running and weight watchers. They are such a huge part of my life right now, which is why they seem to be covering up my news feeds and Instagram, but I can’t help it! 

I’ll be back again Wednesday to let ya know how my Weigh in goes, sans body pump today. Hope you all have had a fabulous last few weeks and that anyone stumbling by got to learn something. :) 

Where have I been?

So it’s been a couple of weeks. 

I really disappointed my self in the last two weeks of December by not eating right or really exercising at all. After the 19th, which was my last weigh in of 2012, I just kind of went on vacation. I paid for it. Ohhhhh did I pay for it. I skipped the 26th weigh-in, and went back on the 2nd kicking and screaming. I had to, though, as any fellow weight watcher would know. I purposely skipped the 26th because I KNEW it wouldn’t be good, and I didn’t want to see that quite yet. So I took that as an excuse to continue being terrible for another week, and come the 2nd I was up 6.8 LBS! Can you friggin’ believe that? I got my self down to a lower weight than when I was a senior in highschool and I blew it on some champagne and a million empty calories. (The champagne was totally worth it) 

When I saw my weight sky rocket like that I jumped back on the band wagon very happily. I even offered to drive it. On that very fateful day I hadn’t even been planning to go, but a little voice told me that if I didn’t I would just keep ballooning up and never see the light of day. Am I ever glad I got on that scale…which is surprising to me because it used to be that if I even slightly gained, it could be +.1, I would freak. I’d be DEVASTATED. But 6.8? Sure, not problema. I guess it was because I KNEW how disgustingly awful I had been and I deserved it. I downright deserved it. I decided to run that day, for the first time in probably a month, and somehow pulled out 3 miles. A very slow 3 miles it was, but nonetheless I did it. I ran a couple more times that week, even while on a quick 24 hour vacation to visit my BFF in Washington, DC. Her and I hit up the gym and ran it out, made ourselves a delicious salad for lunch and headed to the zoo where we walked for 2 hours! We then came home and cooked a deliciously healthy WW meal and that was our day. I had really been expecting us to go full hog and go out for lunch/dinner and have a few bloody marys, but she made sure we stayed on track. I needed that. 

On the 9th I was down 4.2 lbs, which I was at first disappointed about. But I realized, it took me two weeks to put the 6.8 on, I need two weeks to take it off. Maybe this Wednesday I’ll be down another 2.6, we’ll see. I’ve been staying on track, even when we went out to dinner twice last week!

Last Wednesday we headed to Famous Dave’s, which is admittedly a very hard restaurant for me to stay on track at. However, I made sure to fill up on healthy foods all that day and when we got there I was really not all that hungry. I usually order the two meat combo (terrible, I know), but that night I ordered just the brisket with some steamed broccoli and beans. Brisket is apparently one of the healthiest cuts of beef you can get. AWESOME. I didn’t even finish half of my brisket (there were about 5 or 6 palm sized thin slices), and didn’t really touch my beans because they weren’t all that good, but definitely finished my broccoli. Then, since we had a free birthday meal there for Joey we were surprised with a birthday sundae. It was three scoops of vanilla ice cream piled with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. We joked about how we could have made the same thing at home for a 1/3 of the calories, but we ate it anyway. It was free, hello! We didn’t finish that either, though, so I was pretty proud of us!

Then Friday, my mom’s birthday, her and I headed to Moe’s for lunch. I made sure to point my lunch before we got there and stuck to it. I’d never been there before….well I had been once years ago when I lived in NC, and hadn’t been impressed. But I wanted to give it another try. I got the Joey Junior Fish Burrito? I think that’s what it was called. It’s about a 4 in burrito, and you get to pick your toppings. I went with all healthy options (fresh veggies and fish, with a little rice), and it filled me up pretty nicely. My mom got the Homewrecker. That should be self explanatory. 

That night we had plans to go out with my parents and our good family friends Joanne and David to Outback. I also pointed that dinner before we went out and again stuck to plan. When the bread came I didn’t touch it. When the free Bloomin’ Onion came, I didn’t touch it. I have to admit, however, that I’ve never been a Bloomin’ Onion fan so that wasn’t hard for me. (I LOVE Onions and I LOVED fried anything so I don’t know why it’s never been a thing for me…too greasy?). I had my dad order two Ahi Tuna appetizers (which is like 2 points? SO GOOD). When the wings came, I didn’t touch them. I had a few too many glasses of moscato, but backed each one up with a full glass of water. I ordered a 6 oz steak with fresh broccoli and some sauteed mushrooms. That was that. I left without feeling stuffed or gross. Which was nice. 

On Saturday I did something I never thought I would do. Now, I know I had said I was going to do this back in December but then the problems arose with my chest pains and I just kind of got scared off completely from running for a while. But, I decided to sign up for the Rock ‘n Roll Half Marathon in DC on March 16! Brittany had been asking me to do it, and I really really wanted to…but it took me a week after she’d signed up to actually do it. I kept telling myself it was the money aspect (125 bucks to run 13.1 miles seems INSANE to me) but it was really the doubt. Once I had done it I felt energized and excited. I am SO excited to do this, and as much as it cost I will be even more motivated to train. 

Yesterday we joined the Y. It’s something we’ve really been wanting to do but thought it would cost too much. We got a post card in the mail letting us know that the joined fee (60 bucks) was being waived for the month of January, so we decided to just go and check it out. They have a new couples option for $83 a month, which we didn’t think would be so bad. Joey canceled Weight Watcher’s so there’s his half of the Y membership. Honestly, he doesn’t really track or go to meetings…he was just using WW to weigh in once a week. So we decided we will just buy a WW scale and then he can weigh in weekly at home. He follows plan and all, but just isn’t as invested in it as I am. I NEED WW to stay on track, he doesn’t. Lucky dude! With my restarting my old nanny job (Yes, I get to go back to Zaney in February!) it won’t hurt so bad having to pay for the membership. With what I’m making at my current nanny gig there was no way I’d be able to pay that membership without feeling it. Anywho, after joining the Y we went out to run some errands and have lunch. I got half a salad at Saladworks! Yum. We got back home and I threw a healthy version of chicken and dumplings in the crock pot and we headed to the gym. I ran 5 miles! I felt AWESOME afterwards and I feel great today. It’s supposed to be my rest day but Brit is home visiting (she leaves today) and we planned to run to day. I have a free guest pass at the Y for her so hopefully we’ll head there after I get off work. I’m planning on just running a quick 2, hopefully that doesn’t kill me.

I hope to start writing in here more often. I think about it pretty frequently, but it just doesn’t happen. Hopefully now that I’m back in my groove with eating right and running, I’ll be better about writing. :)

 

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR :)

Week 2 of Skinny Snowman

I will have to admit that I did not do as well with week 2 as I did in week 1. I did manage to hit quite a few goals, but I was really hoping Id be able to motivate myself enough to get the maximum amount of points for the week (450), which was 25 more than I did last week. However, I ended the week with 405. Not so bad, but not as great as I would have liked. 

Last night I let the demons entice me into ordering chinese food at 8pm. But, I am proud to say that I did not even eat half of my order of singapore noodles (the last time I ordered that I ate the ENTIRE container), and had 1 egg roll (which is terrible, yes) and half of a small order of hot and sour soup. Yesterday was a rough day for everyone, and I honestly think it was just emotional eating. I wasn’t hungry. I was bored.

Yesterday morning on our way to a friends funeral, we stopped for breakfast at Dunkin Donuts. Hate that place, by the way. I got a turkey sausage and egg white flat bread (6 points, I believe), and that was it. I didn’t eat again until around 4 pm. I shared a small seafood pasta dish with my friend at Big Fish, had a wedge salad which I shared with Joey and my friend, and then also ordered a side of steamed broccoli to get my veggie in. I must say I was incredibly proud of myself! But by 8, the food bug was after us again. We were in bed by 6:30…literally drained by the day. But we weren’t tired. I wish we had just fallen asleep because I’ve woken up today feeling greasy, run down, so tired, and absolutely disgusting. I can feel the chinese food all the way down to my toes. I feel extra jiggly today, and just plain FOUL. I need to remember this the next time we decide we’re “hungry”.

Today is meatless monday, and I will be starting my day off with egg whites and some kind of vegetable. I usually go home with the little man I nanny once his two brothers are on the bus, but today I’m going to stay at their house. I have NO fruit or veggies at my place right now, which means Benny and I will be headed to the grocery store once his brothers are off the bus. For dinner I have a recipe from the Meatless Monday website, enchiladas. They should be delicious! I am going to try to cook them before class tonight, we’ll see how that goes. 

I am in such a funk today, and I think a lot of it has to do with the chinese food. It’s crazy to think how food can do that to you. 

I had to explain to our friend yesterday why we couldn’t get pizza. Sure, I’ve eaten my fair share of “bad foods” over the year, but fast food like McDonalds and Wendy’s, and pizza are just not something I’ve tried since Weight Watchers…at least not regularly. I did have McDonalds ONCE, and I think pizza around a month after I started WW (and I pointed every bite!), and I know that if I decided to have regular delivery pizza now, my stomach would fall out of my butt! Joey makes an AMAZINGLY healthy and delicious pizza himself, so why have a greasy and disgusting one delivered, just to make my stomach turn a few minutes after indulging? That is why we opted for Big Fish, because I knew there were healthy options and portion sizes there. I knew I was better off making a healthy decision there than if we had decided to go to a pizza joint.

I still make bad food decisions pretty often. More often than I should. But I make healthier ones 10x as much. I never would have added a side of broccoli for 2.29 before. I never would have shared a pasta dish in my life. And ordering a salad instead of the Pumpkin Lobster Bisque? No way. Not only did I order the salad, but I SHARED IT. (it certainly wasn’t the healthiest salad…it had garlic ranch and gorgonzola cheese, but it was shared!)

I’m hoping for a good loss this week, but I don’t know if I’ll see one. I indulged one too many times this weekend, and if a gain happens…it happens. I had fun, I know where I made mistakes, and I can change them by starting on the right track today. 

That’s the great thing about WW..it’s never too late to start over. 

Hard.

Yesterday was rough. Surprisingly though, I did not go crazy eating wise. I was actually ridiculously awesome considering the amount of stress I was under.
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I had all three boys I nanny for yesterday. Typically I have the older two for about an hour in the morning, and then it’s just Ben and I for the rest of my ten hour day.
I have dealt with kids of all ages, sizes, backgrounds, and genders. Never have I ever experienced children who behave as badly as these three together do. Adding a third to the mix really makes a difference. And the only time two is ok is when it’s the youngest, Ben, and one of the oldest. Both of the olde boys? Forget it. From the moment their little devil angel eyes open their bickering begins. Who’s getting a shower first? Who got the red bowl? Who has the other ones Spider-Man toy? Who hit who? Etc. It literally goes on and on and on like this until they’re on the bus.
My entire weekend was constantly sprinkled with the reminder to myself I would have all three come Monday, due to Veterans Day. I just had to block it out of my mind completely.
It was about ten times worse than what I had imagined. I’ve never experienced children who listened worse than these three together. It’s literally as if I do not exist to them. When I’m speaking they 100% ignore me. I have to repeat myself AT A MINIMUM of a dozen times before they will finally look at me, and another dozen before they finally move. How my cousin does it every single day I will never know. I guess the power of a mother’s love is really really strong. Really. I broke down around 10am. I quite literally bawled my eyes out to the point that I couldn’t breathe. Thankfully the three of them were busy trying to kill each other in the front yard so they were unaware of my break down.
Rule # 87 in the nanny code: Do whatever it takes to never let a child see you cry, it breaks their hearts and yours.
I just cried and cried. It wasn’t so much their fault as it was a compounding of being in school full time, working full time for very little pay (far less than what I made at my previous job with a not-yet-talking 1 year old), having a house with three dogs and a man who works so very hard to keep the roof over our heads and never feeling like I’m doing ENOUGH (even though Joey reminds me on a daily basis just how much I DO and how thankful he is, I just beat myself up about not being able to help out financially as well as I had been), along with dealing with these three boys. It just broke me yesterday. I couldn’t handle it, and so I cried like a small child. Joey, the amazing man that he is, fixed it all, like usual. He sweetly calmed me down as much as possible over the phone. He has such a way of balancing out my craziness. Once I cried I felt like a hundred bricks had been lifted off my shoulders. I got a clearer head and even got some homework done while the boys were watching a movie, one of them was napping thank goodness.
My day began at 6am and didn’t end until I walked in the door at almost 10pm. Too many of my days are like this and I’m sorry, but I just won’t ever be okay with that.
I have 6ish more months to go and ill be done with school and able to get a big girl job and be finished with nannying once and for all. It may take me through to summer to find one, but I am determined to do so. Being a nanny is the perfect job to do while going to school. If you watch nap-taking aged children it’s even better, because you can focus 100% of your time and energy on them while they’re awake and get your stuff done while they sleep. I’ve thankfully always had the pleasure of nannying for children who sleep, or who at least know how to have quiet time, so I’ve been blessed.
I don’t know how people work regular full time jobs and go to school, it’s exhausting just to do this.
Either way, the point in all of this is that I survived yesterday. I came home and the house was spotless, Joey had waited up for me, and all was good and perfect.
Today I only have two boys, as one is sick and staying home, so it’ll be a good day. At least until 1, when the third comes home from early dismissal.
The great thing about all of this is that I have no homework due this week, at all. I just have to make it to Thursday. And then I can have a relaxing and perfect weekend.

Thursday, Thursday, Thursday.

Is it Thursday yet?

60 pounds, Thanksgiving, and Rowdy Boys

I did it ya’ll! I hit my 60 pounds lost, finally! I can’t tell you all how surprised/relieved/excited I was/still am. It’s really amazing that in just one year and two weeks I managed to lose 60 lbs! I’m less than 30 lbs from WW desired weight, and 13 from my own desired weight. I’m now 193.6 and feeling amazing! I never even believed it was possible to be this low, and never dreamt last year that I would even stick with WW, but look who’s talking now.
I also think I may have had another weight shift, if those even exist. When I first started on this journey, my best friend Brittany, who’s lost over 100 lbs, told me about all the different things to expect. She said there’s going to be times where you’ve experienced a great loss in lbs, and not see a damn bit of difference. And then all of a sudden it’s like your body realizes and sucks itself in and you wake up one morning and its like you’ve changed over night. This has happened a handful of times to me and I gotta tell ya, it’s awesome! Especially when you’re in the beginning stages and really feeling down about not seeing a difference.
My overnight change happened when I woke up Saturday. I was getting ready to go to the grocery store and I grabbed a button up flannel I have that I’ve never ever ever been able to have come close to buttoning up. I was going to wear it over a tank top like I usually do. And it’s like it just was all of a sudden tailored to me and buttoned up with no issue whatsoever. And then I noticed that my whole body had kind of sucked in. Everywhere. It’s always hard to believe when these little shifts happen because they’re almost like an illusion. But when clothes are fitting you easier there is no illusion. When I got home from the store I was feeling a little froggy and decided to try on my bikini. I bought this little polka dotted fifties style bikini when I had lost about 30 lbs, it was a few months to summer and I figured by then it would look good.
It did not. The bottoms come up over your belly button, so you’d think that would be good for some extra suckage, but all that did was cut in at my waist even tighter an my stomach was still hanging over the top.
Then there’s the top of the suit. It my girls were hanging out left and right, bottom, and top. Terrible. I wore it once or twice when summer came, but it was extremely nerve wracking to move around in because I was afraid that any moment my girls were gonna make an appearance. Every move I made was awkward and uncomfortable.
I stuck to a one piece that Brittany had lent me for the majority of the summer and was fine with that.
But Saturday I wanted to see now what it would look like. I nervously reached into my closet for my box of summer items. I sifted though shorts, cover ups, and other miscellaneous summer doodads, and began to see the polka dots peering out at me. It was like ripping off a band aid. I just changed as quickly as possible and looked in the mirror. And holy smokes. HOLY SMOKES. Literally, smoke was radiating off my ridiculously hot bod.
Sike. I’m not that cocky or confident. But my body in that suit has done a 180 since summer. My stomach was flat above the top instead of hanging over, my two now-little friends were covered, and the suit was just gently resting on my waist in stead of cutting into me.
I took about 100 pictures and just laid in my bed admiring them all like a weirdo. I finally realized I was being super creepy and changed once again.
I felt awesome for the rest of the day, and even still today.
The point is that even if you’re not SEEING the fruits of your labor it doesn’t mean they’re not on their way. Your body really does need time to adjust to your weight loss. It’s a bit of a slow poke and if you have the patience it’ll show you what a great job you’re doing. I think that’s one of the biggest reasons people fail on “diets” is because they’re not seeing results fast enough. If only it were a requirement for everyone to join weight watchers. Can you picture how much more room there’d be in the world? I kid, I kid. But really….

In thanksgiving news: Saturdays grocery adventure was for thanksgiving items, among regular stuff. I picked up all kinds if goodies. Here is my menu, it’s pretty traditional as far as thanksgivings go around here.

A 15 lb turkey
An 18$ ham, however many lbs it is
Stuffing (which is the only item on my menu that I just couldn’t skimp on nutritional value. I have only ever made boxed kind, and this will be somewhat more homemade but ill use as many nonfat/light ingredients as possible)
Cranberry sauce. But instead of jellies I bought the whole berry. Nutritional value is identical here, but the whole berry at least provide some fiber.
Green bean casserole. I bought no salt added French cut green beans, fat free cream of mushroom soup, and I will be making my own crunchy onion topping. This dish is pretty okay in it’s regular style BUT the crunchy onions on top are what get you. And I used to use the whole can of fried onions! So this year I set out for a recipe to make my own without frying and I hope it works out.
Fauxtatoes. This one is going to be interesting. It involves cauliflower and cannelloni beans. Ill let you know how it works, but from pictures I’ve seen you can’t tell the difference in looks. Hopefully gravy can cover up any kind of doubts people may have. Gravy works miracles.
I did buy regular ol’gravy, but I just won’t be using as much. Maybe ill get feisty and look up a healthier version. Who knows!
Then there will be no salt added corn.
Sweet potato casserole. This is going to be interesting. This is my fathers favorite dish, so it’s really going to have to be good. He likes it with the brown sugar and marshmallows and all that. Mine isn’t going to have that. Sweet potatoes are SO sweet on their own! I think the recipe I found MAY call for a bit of brown sugar, but just a sprinkling. Then instead of marshmallows, it will be topped with pecans. I’m excited!
Then last, but definitely 100% not least, there’s the desserts. Yea plural.
Pumpkin cheesecake! I made this last year and it was a hit. It’s a recipe I found that involves reduced fat vanilla wafers as the crust, and 1/3 the fat and fat free cream cheese. I believe it’s two fat free and 3 1/3 of the fat packages of cream cheese, and of course natural pumpkin. It’s so good you can’t tell the difference.
And then good old pumpkin pie. I’m using a weight watchers recipe, and I think phyllo dough plays a part in the crust and its definitely way better points wise. Only 4 instead of 10!
I will probably be buying a sugar free apple pie, simply because I’m certainly not a baker whatsoever and I think two pies is enough to send me over the edge as far as my baking skills go.
There will also be breyers fat free ice cream, which if you haven’t tried yet you must! Seriously NOONE knows the difference, I wouldn’t even. It’s that good I swear.

I’m hoping that everything goes off without a hitch. I haven’t quite worked out how I’m going to cook both the turkey and the ham? I only have one oven. But I think if I get the the turkey in soon enough ill have time after its cooked to get the ham done before people arrive. I know the ham is fully cooked but it still has a bit of time to bake.
My mother will be in Florida during the holiday which really sucks and is quadruple lame sauce but whatever. So my dad will be celebrating with us. Joes family is invited but you can’t be too sure with his parents because they typically call on the day of with some reason they can’t make it. I don’t mean to speak badly of them, and truly I’m not, because I’m telling the truth. 9x out of 10 they cancel. And if they do show up they have to leave very early for whatever reason. So it may end up just being Joey, my dad, and myself. My older brother Eric may join us as well. My other two brothers are married and typically spend the holidays with their in laws for the most of it, and since my mom won’t be around it kind of splits everything up. Last year she cooked a week ahead so that she could have everyone together and so that they could all spend time at one place and not have to drive to two different houses for two different dinners with all the kids. But this year I don’t think she’s doing that.
I hope joeys parents do make it because he’s been talking a lot recently about how his whole family used to get together a lot for dinners and that sort of things and he misses it, naturally. I hoped that by volunteering to host that it would take the burden, financially, off of them from having to worry about it and that we could just all enjoy each others company. So cross your fingers everyone!

This post is getting extremely lengthy but I have more thing to talk about.
Yesterday Joey had some friends over, which meant me compulsively cleaning every inch of the house. I even moved our entire bed and vacuumed under there, I dusted the LEGS of our end tables, and steam cleaned all the carpet. Which is our whole house. He could not understand why I was so intent about cleaning things that noone would even see, but it’s the only way I can feel comfortable about having people over. Our house is pretty much always tidy and ready for visitors, but when there’s multiple people over I just feel like that’s more eyes to catch whatever things we have literally swept under the rug.
Along with doing all of that cleaning I also managed to lay out a pretty sweet spread of food. With joeys help of course. Together we accomplished a 3 lb beef brisket slow cooked for 8 hours, which turned out to be incredibly amazing. Two pizzas. HOMEMADE. Joey makes the BESt pizza. It’s whole wheat dough, fat free mozzarella, a tomato sauce, and turkey pepperoni. It always tastes so much better than delivery or digiorno, and I’m just not saying that because I love the cook! Pizza always turns my stomach these days, whether its from all the grease or the cheese I’m not sure. But his pizza is to die! I also made a five layer dip with fat free refried beans, fat free sour cream, weight watchers Mexican cheese, salsa, and wholey guacamole. This was so yum! There was also a cheese as turkey pepperoni tray with crackers. A lot of people showed up and it was really awesome to just have a bunch of our friends over. There was an eagles/Dallas game on, and joeys a Dallas fan all the way, so it was interesting to hear all the shouting but this time from two sides.
Everyone loved the food and noone even knew it was better for you!

Okay I really can’t go on anymore. I’m sitting at work waiting on the boys to wake up, while hoping they stay asleep all day since they have off from school. It’s going to be an awful nightmare with all three today. I’m honestly getting sick to my stomach even thinking about it.
Wish me luck?

Skinny Wishes Wednesday

Today is the first Wednesday back to weighing in since my .6 gain. I have 1 pound to lose to hit 60 lost and I’m really hoping I hit it today. I was good all week long and drank copious amounts of water. I will admit that I did not track at all, but I was extremely conscious of what I ate. We went out to eat Saturday and Sunday, Mexican and Sushi, however I didn’t even come close to eating the amount of sushi I normally do. I think I had two rolls, and two cups of miso soup. I did of course have some shrimp fried rice, but seriously compared to what I usually inhale when we have sushi I ate like a mouse. And for Mexican, I’m pretty sure that was the first time I didn’t have a margarita with my shrimp quesadilla! I love this Mexican place we go to. It’s SO fresh, my quesadilla isn’t drenched in grease and oil, and it’s just filled with vegetables and shrimp. It’s not caked in cheese and gunk. I also like how all the sour cream and guacamole is on the side so I can add it if I choose.
Every other night we cooked and had leftovers for lunch. I know I should’ve tracked but I was honestly just lazy about it.
What stinks is because I didn’t track, I can’t be sure of what my weigh in will be.
I did run 4 times this passed week which is phenomenal. I’m very hopeful today, but you never know.
I’m afraid of where a gain will set me in terms of my thought process. I so easily let it get me down its insane. I don’t even know why at this point because I know what to do to NOT gain and I know how to lose. I know I only need 14 more pounds until my personal goal weight is reached, 30 more for weight watchers appointed goal, so I’m not longer 90 pounds away and it’s a lot less daunting, but it doesn’t mean I have more room to fuck up.
So send me your skinny wishes for today if you read this before 9am eastern time!

In other news, OBAMA WON!
That’s really all I’m going to say about that since I’m not extremely political; however, I do appreciate good character, morals, and being able to trust someone. Mitt Romney just seems like a giant tool shed and that’s not who I want helping to run this country.
End digression.

Hope you all had a fantastic week. Ill update soon regarding my weigh in!

It’s all Worth it

All the pointing, tracking, worrying, monthly payments, admittedly-sometimes-depriving, guilt trips, frustration, anger, fear, and resentment at times is all worth it. Finally. For the last year I have struggled so many times. I’ve faltered on numerous occasions. I have made dozens of excuses, and a handful of empty promises to myself. But through all of that I did it! I succeeded in losing most weeks, I became a runner for the first time in my life, I’ve gone from a size 18-20 to a 10-12. Even with ALL of the self doubt and the surety that I was NOT progressing, it happened.
We had our engagement shoot yesterday. And for anyone that may know me, you know that the one thing I fear more than Oompa Loompas is having my picture taken. I despise it really. Unless of course I’m taking it myself at the absolutely right angle with all of the photoshopping and filters a y disposal. So naturally I was truly nervous about how this would turn out. I had wanted to wait for the spring to have these taken so that I’d have time to lose more weight. But our wedding is in Autumn, and the leaves are so gorgeous right now that I knew the engagement shoot had to be in Autumn too, and plus I could cover up unlike with a spring session.
I made the make up appointment, made sure Joey had a decent outfit picked out, got pumpkins, a new leash and collar for Bobbie (obviously our baby had to be in a few!), and Joey even carved a heart into one of the pumpkins. I fretted over what kind of paint to get for the pumpkins, literally working myself into a nervous sweat. I agonized over whether or not I should wear gloves because I didn’t know if it would look like I had fat hands or not if I did wear them. It was a nightmare. I threatened to call it off at least twice the day of. I really hate having my picture taken!
We headed up to Ridley Creek State Park in Pennsylvania, which is absolutely frickin gorgeous by the way. There’s this FABULOUS stone mansion there and it has the best landscape ever. I’d never been there before but I trusted our amazing photographer and was totally excited…for the scenery. We got there pretty early so we could let the dog chase around the leaves and pine cones, and so that I could paint the numbers of our wedding date on the pumpkins (9 20). I even ran around some to warm up because it was FREEZING. I practiced my smile 100 times in any reflection I could find, and then Ron showed up. I kept nervously laughing at everything and then it began. First he started shooting the pumpkins, which I was happy to let him take a million of so as long as it meant I had more time to prepare myself. And then it was our turn. I wasn’t sure if my bangs were crooked or if my double chin was showing. I kept laughing like a crazy person. I thought my calves were too big. I literally was going over every ridiculous detail of my body over and over again.
We started walking around the place and Ron would tell us to do certain poses, and we would. And then wed also be our silly normal selves and start laughing when he’d say “Now Joey look into her eyes”. At one point Ron even told us that the best photos so far were when we were just doing our own thing, and for the rest of the time he pretty much just let us do what we wanted which I loved.
He let us know after it was over that he’d post a few photos in a few day and he’d have the rest in about two weeks. And then this morning I had three requests to be tagged in photos of Ron’s. I couldn’t look at them for at least an hour. Finally around 5:30am I got up the courage to face them.
I was blown away. Two out of the three actually had our faces in them, the other one had our hands and the heart carved pumpkin. The two photos with our faces just absolutely floored me. Not because I thought I looked earth shatteringly gorgeous or anything, which lets just face it I did lol, but because I didn’t hate them! I really really loved them. I couldn’t believe it.
From the beginning of this whole engagement and wedding planning I’ve been dreading photos. I was convinced I’d hate these and if I hated these I’d hate my wedding photos and itd all be for nothing. And not because I don’t trust our photographer but just because I’ve never ever ever liked a photo of me, at least not in the last 6 years. Which was when I started putting on weight.
Now that I love this little sneak preview so much I know I will love the rest, and I no longer am afraid of our wedding photos! I am so excited!

Here’s a little preview for you guys:

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Everything was worth it for these pictures. Not only are these some of the most important photos of my life, but they’re 100x more enjoyable because they’re with the man I get to marry and the fact that I want to show them to the world is amazing. He will love any photo of us ever, and any photo of me is a masterpiece in his eyes. Even ones where my eyes are half open and I’ve got a mouthful of food, I know he thinks I’m gorgeous. I wanted to love these so much for him and it added more pressure on me because I knew if I didn’t like what I looked like then noone could see them and that’s just selfish of me because I knew he’d want to. We have a few photos of us hanging in our house now and they’re from when we first started dating. They’re mostly all from this one day when we were trapped in a snow storm in his little apartment. My mom has every picture from that day because she uploaded them to her laptop like a little sneaker! (She’s done that ever since I’ve owned a camera and will surprise me with them at the most embarrassing moments…like in a slideshow at my college graduation party) anyways, I love those pictures of us because they just captured how in love we were and how new we were. I didn’t care what angle they were taken from or how stupid we looked. They weren’t meant to be gorgeous.
These photos were. But they still capture just how in love we are and how much we care about each other. Can you even tell how nervous I am, or that I’m thinking about how bad they would be? Probably not because once he started snapping away all of my worries kind of dissipated. Because Joey was there whispering silly thing between shots like “You look like you have a finger in your butt” and “How mad do you think Bobbie is right now that she’s locked in the car?” And “I hope that kid falls in the fountain”. I knew he was just trying to ease my nerves and make me feel better.
I can’t wait to marry him!